Hold me fast
by Idadeppfried
Summary: Mumford & sons based fanfiction. Ted x Winston. What does it mean? That seeing Winnie laugh makes him happy? That he wants to be with him all the time? Ted's not sure about anything anymore, except for that it could ruin it all. This could be the end of the band known as Mumford & sons.
1. Chapter 1

It was late. Not late as "the sun is rising and we're still out" late, late in the way late actually was. Not early morning, not in the middle of the night. 11.37 pm. The boys had finished the gig about half an hour ago and now they sat by a table in a small pub, not speaking, just observing eachother and drinking the last drops of tepid beer. The pub was empty, except for a few people still finishing their drinks, laughing awfully loud in the other corner of the room. Everybody else had already left to explore the night at more interesting places than at a small pub with boring folk music and a weird smell hanging over it like a blanket.  
"Where's Ben?" Winston said, staring at the last remains of his feculent beer. He put the glass down and looked up to meet Marcus' eyes.  
"I don't know." he said, tapping his fingers in the table to the silent music leaving the speakers in the four corners of the room.  
"I think he left earlier. Goin' to some club I suppose." Ted filled in.

"Well this place is dead. Let's go somewhere else. Some place that doesn't smell like horse shit. I can't breathe in here." Ted nodded slowly, turning against Marcus.  
"I can't. I'm really tired. And Carey is up waitin' for me." Winston stood up and walked around the table to grab one shoulder each of Marcus and Ted's.  
"Come on! It'll be fun! I can't remember the last time all of us went nuts for a night. We can't stay young and attractive forever, can we?" Ted chuckled and Marcus smiled and wiped Winnies hand of his shoulder.  
"No I can't. I promised Carey. I don't break promises." He stood up as well, and swinged his jacket over his shoulder.  
"Come on Marcus. You're so boring nowadays. It's one night. You'll miss a lot. You can spend the rest of your life with that woman, but this night, who knows what you'll miss?"  
"Winnie. Wasn't I clear enough the last time? I will not be goin' out tonight." He smiled and Winston sighed loudly as he grabbed his sweater.  
"I'll come with you." Ted said and wrapped his arm around Winnies shoulder.  
"Great." he said and put his free arm around Ted's. "Atleast T-bear hasn't lost his mind."

"Come on, T-bear? It doesn't even suit me that well." Ted complained.  
"Well you wrote it on your shoes." Marcus said with a chuckle. Winston tickled him and smiled.  
"You're my Teddy Bear." He said and gave Ted a quick peck on the neck. Then he let go of Ted's shoulder and they left the pub.

They walked together to Marcus apartment after Winston had insisted with the argument "You never know what can happen to pretty boys like yourself at this time of the day". Then Marcus had disappeared up the stairs and they were alone. 

"Now what?" Ted said as they strolled down the street.  
"I don't know. You wanna find Ben or just go somewhere? Somewhere loud."  
"Let's go somewhere loud." Ted said and Winston smirked.

The music was awfully loud. You could feel the bass in your chest and it was allmost hopeless to try to talk to anyone. There were people everywhere, jumping and fist pumping to the thumping music. They didn't care if people stared. Everyone was drunk and the night was still young. Winnie dragged Ted to the bar, chatted with the bartender for a minute and then he left with a drink in his hand and a girl in the other. He disappeared into the crowd and Ted was left by the bar, screaming his lungs out to be heard. The girl at the other side of the counter just smiled and tried to tell him she couldn't hear him. He leaned over the counter and so did she.  
"I'll have a.."  
"I can't hear you, love, I'll give you our special." she smirked and Ted leaned back and turned around to see if he could spot Winston somewhere in the crowd. He couldn't.

He got his drink. A blue liquid with something sugar-ish on the bottom of the glass. Even the first sip was heady. He felt a sudden urge to get on the dancefloor. Disappear into the crowd and forget the world. The rest of the drink was gone in a few seconds and Ted stumbled into the crowd. Everyone was smiling, laughing and dancing. He felt happy.

The time passed. He couldn't tell if there had been hours or just minutes when he finally saw Winston, rushing through the crowd to get to the door. He followed him. If he had been sober he'd probably felt the concern gnaw in his chest. Winston never rushed out from parties. Now he just followed him because his instincts told him to.

Winston got out into the night. She chilly air hit him like a wall. He placed his hands on the knee's, bending forward, trying to get some oxygen into his lungs. Ted came rushing out after him.  
"Where have you been?" He said.  
"I.. I don't feel so good, Ted. Not good at all." He said and sat down on the pavement, placing his head between his knees. Ted sank down beside him, placing an hand on his back. He didn't know what to say.  
"How do you feel, then?" Winnie looked up at him with teary eyes.  
"Sick. Mostly sick. And my head aches. It's like a hammer goin' nuts in there. And dizzy. I can't breathe." he stared at the empty street in front of him. "I'm scared, Ted. What's happening to me?" Ted looked at him. And now he felt it, through the alcohol that had poisoned his blood helt felt it. The concern. Gnawing like a hungry babytiger inside of him.  
"I.. What.." he took a breath. "Should I call Marcus?"  
"I don't know. Just do anything. Make it go away." Winston said. He clenched his jaw, eyes closed hard. Ted looked at him, meeting his gaze. Before any of them could think, Ted's lips brushed against Winstons. He placed his cold hand on Winstons cheek, but he immediately wiped it off and moved away from Ted.  
"What are you doing?" he put his fingers to his lips and then he looked at Ted in the way you look at somone who steals candy from a kid.

"I'm sorry." Ted said and stood up, taking a step towards Win.  
"Don't touch me." He moved away. "You disgust me. I.. I like girls, Ted. I'm not a fag."  
"Win, calm down. I.." he took a deep breath. "I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry."  
"I'll get home by myself." He said and started walking.  
"Winnie you really shouldn't. What if.."

"Go away Ted." he replied, not even turning around. Ted sighed. He ran his hand over his face. He didn't know what was worst. That he had just kissed Winston, his fellow band member. Or that he didn't even regret it.


	2. Chapter 2

As the sun began to rise that morning, and the chilly air was filled with mist, Winston stumbled over the streets, trying to find his way home. He couldn't get the weird feeling of Ted's lips against his off his mind. He had to stop, as he felt all of the food he'd eaten today, was on its way back up. Coughing and spitting he leaned against a wall. He wiped his mouth with the arm of his sweater and took a deep breath to clear his mind. Everything was a great big mess up there. His head pounded. His throat was dry, and he felt weird. But everything was a littlebit clearer now, when some of the alcohol had left his system. He still tried to tell himself that Ted was drunk. Still, the kiss, it had felt so real. So true.

He knew what it felt like to be in love. But he didn't have feelings like that for Ted. He _couldn't_ have feelings like that for Ted. Ted was a man. Winston liked women. He leaned his head backwards with his arms just hanging by his sides. Sigh. The familiar sound of his own ringtone went off and he fished out the phone from the pocket of his worn jeans.  
"Win." he answered.  
"It's me." said Marcus' familiar voice. "Ted called. He said you got mad about something and wouldn't let him help you home. Where are you?"  
"I'm fine." he mumbled under his breath.  
"No you're not. You're drunk, and probably lost. Stop acting like a kid, Winston. What happened? You better have a bloody great reason this time."  
"Ted's a fag. That's my reason." he hung up and put the phone back into his pocket. With a growl he kicked a broken bottle of 'barnsley gold' and it rolled away with a jingle. He couldn't think straight. He felt trapped in his own mind. He honestly hadn't felt this confused in his entire life.

Therefore, he went to a pub. Hoping that some booze would make him feel better. Or just not feel at all.

He sank down on a chair by the bar and felt like an old, grumpy man, sitting alone, drinking away his concerns and sorrows.

"I'll have a beer." he said. Then his phone started ringing again and he glanced at the screen with a sigh. Ted. Marcus' words popped into his head. "Stop acting like a kid, Winston." If there was one think he wasn't, it was a kid.  
"What?" he mumbled.

"Can't you just grow up? Just for a little while? What's that sound in the background?"

"I'm at a pub."  
"What happened to 'I feel so sick! Help me bla, bla, bla'?" Ted said and Winnie didn't like the mocking tone in his voice. But it didn't make him angry. It didn't make him feel like he wanted to rip Ted's head off, like it used to. It made him feel sad. He just wanted to hear those three words Ted had said so many times tonight. Those three words he hadn't listened to. I am sorry.  
"Win? Are you there, mate?" Winston left some money on the counter. He didn't touch the beer, and then he left the pub still with the phone pressed against his ear. "Oh! _Very_ mature. Just ignore me. Yeah, that's right. _That's_ the Winston I know."  
"You've always said you liked that Winston." he answered, trying not to make his voice crack. He sounded empty.

"Sometimes I just can't stand you. Sometimes you drive me crazy."  
"Well that's too bad, because this is who I am. Immature, yes, I might be. Childish. That too. But I've always been, right? I've always been like this and I won't change for anybody. Not even for you Ted. And you used to like me. You used to laugh when I acted silly. Was our friendship a lie?"  
"Maybe we should just go home and think about it all? And talk about it tomorrow."

"Maybe we should just go home. Only go home." He hung up, leaving nothing but an empty beep tone in Ted's ear.

"Win?"

When Winston stumbled into his apartment at 3.09 am he felt sick. He couldn't stop himself from shaking and the headache was worse than ever. He felt scared. He was afraid. Afraid of being sick. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of dying. Mostly he was afraid he had lost a friend forever. He didn't have an excuse for saying that. For calling his best friend a 'fag'. He kicked off his shoes and curled up under his thin blanket. He needed to call somebody. Ben? He was probably drunk out of his mind by now. Marcus? Asleep. And also, he had already tried to help, but Winston had rejected him. That left him with Ted. What was there to do?

"What do you want?"

"I feel horrible. I don't know what's happening."

"It's called guilt." Ted said, voice cold as a winter wind.  
"No. Sick. It feels like I'm dying." Ted wanted to play his cards as harsh as Winston had, but he couldn't.  
"I'll be there in fifteen." he said with a sigh.

"I swear it was that night club. I should've understood that it wasn't sugar." he mumbled to himself as he put on his shoes and rushed down the stairs. It took him some time to navigate himself but after ten minutes he arrived outside Winstons apartment.  
He found him in the bed, under three blankets, still shaking. Ripping them off he found Winnie dressed in clothes, drenched in sweat.

"You're cold sweating."  
"Can't you tell me something I don't know?"  
"This might not be the best thing to say right now, but you need to take your clothes off." Winston looked at Ted, frowning. He sat up on the bedside and slowly unbuttoned his pants. Then he took his shirt off. Ted stood in silence.  
"I'm not very comfortable doin' this." Winston said, jaw clenched. Ted took his shirt off.  
"Take mine."  
"You're not helping."  
"Take it." With a sigh he grabbed the shirt and then he laid down, pulling the three blankets over him. He didn't want Ted to see him blush. The bed bounced a bit as Ted sat down.  
"You should eat something."

"I will just throw it up anyway."  
"Are you still cold?"  
"I'm cold as shit."

"How do you feel?"

"My head is like a washing machine."

"Ok I don't know what that means. Look at me."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

Winston pulled the blanket down from his face and turned around to look at Ted.

"Do you want me to hold you?" He said and Winston moved away.  
"No. No. Ted, No." Ted grabbed his arm and pulled him closer.  
"It's innocent as can be, Win. You're cold. You need to get warm."

"Get off me." Winston screamed as he tried to push Ted away. "I don't want to.."  
"Winston, shut up." Ted shouted and hugged him tight. Winnie tried to break free from Ted's strong arms, but he couldn't.  
"Please let go of me." he begged.  
"It's already helping. You're not shaking anymore."  
"But you're holding me."

"Winnie. It's still me. I'm still Ted. Teddy Bear. You remember?" Ted wrapped the blankets around them.  
"Why did you come?"  
"Because I care about you."  
"I'm not gonna have sex with you Ted."

"Winnie, jesus, let it go. I'm your friend. You never used to have a problem being this close to me."  
He didn't speak for a while. Sucked up in his own thoughts.  
"You're actually warm. You're actually like a bear. If I just pretend you're a bear I might be able to fall asleep."

After fifteen minutes they were both asleep. Ted, behind Winnie with his arms around him. Winnie, snoring, wrapped into Ted's arms.

When you're sleeping your troubles go away. Sometimes, though, you wake up to even bigger ones.


	3. Chapter 3

Winston woke up with a headache. Not one as strong and painful as yesterday, but it was still there. Gnawing inside his head. He squinted against the light and as his eyes got accustomed he realized he wasn't alone in his bed.  
"What the fuck." he mumbled, grabbing the blanket and getting up from the bed, confused and barely awake. Ted turned around, squinted against Winston and fell back down with his face in the pillow. He moaned something unhearable.  
"Please tell me we didn't do _it_." Winston said with a slight tone of panic in his voice.  
"What are you talking about?" Ted mumbled through the pillow.

"What the fuck are you doing in my bed?" he shouted and Ted looked up from the pillow.  
"Calm down, Win. I don't know. I don't. Give me back the blanket." he said with a hoarse morning voice. Winston laid down again.  
"Ted, you've got fuckin' three blankets. And move. You're too close." Ted hit him with a tired arm. He didn't lift his head from the pillow. Neither did Winston, as he was staring into the ceiling.  
"Shut up." Ted moaned.

"You shut up."  
"Win! Shut up!"

"Hey, why am I wearing you shirt?"  
"You are?"  
"Yeah. You smell good."  
"Thank you."  
"Welcome."

"Now keep your mouth shut."

"Okay."

After another two hours Ted woke up. He sat up on the bedside trying to keep his eyes open. Trying, hard, to remember something about last night.  
"Winnie? Are you awake?"  
"Now I am." he groaned and looked up with his hair in all directions. Suddenly Ted remembered.

"Shit."  
"What?"  
"I just.. I've got a massive headache."  
"We've got a gig in six hours." Winnie said.  
"Shit again."  
"Ben and Marcus must never know about this." Winston said and got up from the bed. "You want your shirt back?"  
"Yes, please."

They both got dressed without talking. Both in their own thoughts. Ted knew he couldn't tell Winston the truth. Winston didn't know anything. He could not for his life understand why he woke up in the same bed as Ted with Ted's shirt on.

There was an awkward silence in the room. None of them wanted to break it.  
"Just.. Goin' to the bathroom." Ted said and Winnie just nodded.  
He locked the door behind him and just sighed and sank down on the floor. He needed to talk to someone. What was done was done. It could never be undone. The worst part was that he didn't regret what had happened, while Winston so clearly did. And now he didn't even remember. Thinking like this still scared him. He had been attracted to Winston a long time, but he hadn't admitted it to himself until just a few days ago. He had been afraid of the truth. He'd been afraid of himself. Hoping Winston wouldn't feel the same way so he could just forget about it all, but now that he knew for sure it was nothing but painful. He had thought it'd be a relief, and now it just felt.. empty. Like his heart was constantly smashing its head into a brick wall. He just wanted to forget.

"Ted? Are you alright in there, mate?" Apparently he had been in there longer than he thought be had.  
"Yeah. I'm fine." He flushed just because, and pretended to wash his hands before he smashed the door open, hitting Winnie in the face.

"Shit."

"Crap. Winnie I'm sorry."

"Damn, my eyebrow."

"Let me see." Winnie moved his hand, and the blood was already everywhere.  
"Shit, you're bleeding. Really bad. Does it hurt?" He serached for Winstons hand and they both stopped for a few seconds, looking at eachother as their fingers met.  
"Put your hand right there. And press." Ted moved Winstons hand to cover the tiny, yet massively bleeding wound on his right eyebrow.  
"How do I stop it?" he asked.  
"I have no idea, but you better." Winston replied.  
"I'm really sorry."  
"It's fine."

"No it's not fine. You're bleeding. Really bad."  
"Fuck, it's getting in my eye." Ted went back into the bathroom, searching through the shelves and drawers.  
"Don't you have like tissues or some shit like that?"

"I don't know." Ted just grabbed a piece of toilet paper with some water on it.  
"Here, let me see it again." He said and Winston moved his hand. "Okay, this might hurt, I don't know." he said before he started wiping the blood away and he felt Winnies hand fumbling after his. He found it and grabbed it in pain.  
"It stings as f-."  
"I'm sorry."

"There you are." Ted said and stroke Winstons eyebrow with his thumb. "Shit. It didn't help. It's still bleeding. I think it needs stitches."

"Give me some paper."  
"Get it yourself, lazy ass."

"You're the one who slammed the damn door into my face."  
"Can't very well argue against that, can I?"

"No you can't. Hurry." Ted couldn't help but love Winston as he looked at him where he stood, one eye closed as the blood ran down his face, still smiling. He smiled back.

After about two hours they were all done, back in the car, on their way back from the hospital. They didn't talk much. They just sat there, listening to loud music. Playing their favourite songs on repeat. Winston put his hand on Ted's and intertwined their fingers. His hands were cold, and Ted's were warm. He smirked in that special Winston way, and continued looking at Ted with that look on his face. Ted gave him a quick look and a frown before he turned back to watch the road.  
"What?" he said with a laugh, and Winnie just kept on looking at him.

"What? I can't look at you now?" he said as he put his foot up on the seat.  
"You look like a retard. Obviously, because you are one."

"You don't deserve me." Win said with a smile and he turned to watch the road as well.

"I do."  
"Yes, actually you do. Because you've been a good man and I'm your reward."  
"You're not a reward."

"You're a meanie." He didn't answer he just looked at Winston with a smile, and got one in return.  
"I love you, Ted." Winnie leaned his head against Ted's shoulder.  
"I love you, Win."

It felt good that Winston didn't remember. That he was back normal. But for Ted it could never be the same. He would always know. All of the alcohol in the world couldn't drench his memories. But right now, being this close to Win, with his little head resting on Ted's shoulder, and his brown, straggling hair tickling Ted's neck, Ted didn't have to think about his troubles. He only had to sit back and enjoy feeling Winnies warm breath on his arm. Enjoy the moment.

But sometimes things just slip out.  
"We kissed."

And in a second, the moment was over.

Okay, so I though I'd might write something down here after each chapter, if anyone wants to read.  
Well I didn't like the last chapter because they just got so out of character, but this one feels way better. I know I'm not the best of writers but I hope you enjoy this! :)


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you mean 'we kissed'?" Winston said with a laugh, looking at Ted.  
"I mean you know 'lips against lips'.." Ted stopped the car by the side of the road, looking at Winston. He had a look of confusion on his face. "It was innocent. I blame it all on that club. They sure as hell put something in our drinks."

"Wait. You're saying that we.. kissed?"  
"Yes."  
"Like friends or like.."

"No. Not like friends."  
They both sat in silence, staring at the road in front of them.  
"How come I don't remember this?" Winston said, without looking at Ted.  
"Look.. We went out after our gig, just you and me, you remember that?"  
"I don't know."  
"Well we did, and you dragged me to some club with music so loud I couldn't hear my own thoughts. They obviously put something in our drinks because I remember feeling drunk after just one sip of it. And oh, yeah you felt sick in some way. You disappeared and then I saw you running out and I followed and then it just happened. That's all I remember."

"Did I do it, or you?"  
"I think I did it."

Ted left out all of the details. He remembered how Winston had reacted, and he didn't want it to happen again. He didn't even think of mentioning how the night had ended. How they had fell asleep in eachothers arms. And now, here he sat, with hands on the wheel, waiting for Win's reaction.

"How many of these drinks did I have? And.. What happened then? How.." He sighed and now he looked at Ted. "How did I even get home?"

"Look I don't remember details." Ted hated lying to Winston. He felt guilty, but he couldn't tell him the truth.

"Ted, are you gay?" Winston said, deadly serious, fingering on Ted's shirt. Then he looked up.  
"Win. I.."  
"You are, aren't you?"  
"No. Just forget it. It was the alcohol. Let it go."  
"Then why did you tell me?"  
"Let it go, Winston!"

"Why did you tell me?"

"Because I wanted you to know, okay? Is that so weird?"  
"I'd rather not know." He turned away, crossed arms on his chest, looking out through the window.  
"Well I'm so sorry for telling you the truth!" Their argumentation turned into shouting.  
"In what way will my life be better when I know you kissed me?"

"Maybe it won't, but I didn't feel very good, hiding something like that from you!"  
"Stop shouting."

"You know what? You'd probably be mad if I _didn't_ tell you, aswell!"  
"Just go. We're gonna be late!"

"You know what? It was a real kiss. I think you actually enjoyed it. You even moaned a bit."  
"I'm not talking to you. Go."  
"I can't believe you're actually mad at me for telling you the truth."

"I'm not mad at you for telling me the truth, I'm mad because you _always _have to take things just too far. You're actually just saying that to make me feel bad."  
"Oh stop it you. You're just afraid. Just because you're homofobic."  
"Go. Just go."

The car engine started with a roar and Ted stepped on the accelerator. They started moving with a jerk. Ted kept his eyes on the road, and Winston didn't turn away from the window. Arms, still crossed over his chest.  
"Oh my god, Winnie, are you crying?" Ted said with a mocking tone.  
"Oh, fuck off."

Ted just snorted and shook his head. They drove into the parking lot and Winston got out before the car had even stopped altogether. Before he shut the door he looked at Ted with eyes full of hate.  
"I'm not homofobic." He slammed the door shut and disappeared into the building. Ted stayed in the car for a couple of minutes. He sighed and ran his hand over his face. In less than two minutes Winnie had gone from loving him to hating him. He was angry at himself, but this time be would not be the one to give in. Then he got out of the car, locked the doors and went inside as well. Ben met him with a pat on the shoulder.  
"Hey, what's up with Winnie?" He asked and Ted sighed and suddenly felt the hangover hitting him like a wall.  
"We had an argument. He won't talk to me."

"Okay. As long as you can still play without starting a fist fight on the stage, I'll let you handle this on your own." Ted nodded and smiled.  
"I've got a massive headache." He complained and Ben smiled.  
"What happened last night?"  
"Oh you don't want to know."

As they walked out on the stage they immediately got greeted by a cheering crowd. The headlight dazzled them, and it was hard to see anything but the first two rows of people. Marcus walked up to his microphone, smiling, raising his hand to greet the crowd in return.  
"How are you tonight?" he asked and the room was filled with an earsplitting cheer. He smiled his 'ear to ear' smile and then he kicked off. In less than two seconds the audience recognized the well known first chords of 'I Will Wait' and they cheered even louder. Marcus had no problem smiling. His whole face was shining with happiness of doing what he loved the most. So did Ben's. But Ted and Winston had a hard time looking happy. Marcus instantly noticed something was wrong when Winnie didn't even wear his wide smile during his banjo roll. His face was stone during all songs. Then came Dust Bowl Dance and before any of the guys had the time to react, he smashed the guitar into the floor. Ben just stared at him and Ted looked away. He couldn't help but feeling guilty. When the song was over Marcus walked up to the microphone.  
"Okay. We've encountered some problems so we'll be back after a short break." he said and the crowd replied with a loud applause and cheer. They went backstage and Winston sat down on a chair. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the boys standing a few feet away.  
"What the hell, Win?!" Marcus said. "What was that about?" he continued and Ben nodded.  
"Just because you and Ted had some argument doesn't mean you have to ruin the whole gig for all of us!" he said, and now it was Marcus and Ted's time to nod in agreement. Winston didn't answer them. He just stared at his feet.  
"Come on! Don't just sit there!"

"What do you want me to do then?"  
"Gosh, Winston. Stop acting so immature. Just don't ruin anything more. Okay?"  
"I'm so sick of you always treating me like a baby." he stood up, grabbed his jacket and then he got out. Leaving the other boys backstage, in the middle of a gig. Without any idea what they would do next.

"Oh _shit._" Marcus said, placing his hand over his face.  
"We'll have to finish without him." Ben said with a sigh.  
"Hold on. I think I know where he went." Ted said, as he put his jacket on, and in less than a minute they had lost two of the four bandmembers. Things weren't going too well right now.

I don't really have anything to write down here this time so I'll just.. I guess thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed it! (:


	5. Chapter 5

Ted walked down the street with his hands in his pockets. There was only one place he could think of where Winnie could be. He always went there when he wanted to be alone. Going there was probably a bad idea, because as said, Winnie only went there when he wanted to be on his own. But that's where Ted went. To a fenced football field with bleachers on both sides. One big one and one smaller on the other side. The place where Winnie always used to play football when he was younger. It had been like a second home for him. He still went there. Sat alone on the bleachers in the silence. To think or just get some room to breathe. Ted stopped outside the fence and he immediately found Winston, alone on the tallest bleacher. Smoking a cigarette and watching a team with little boys playing football on the grass. Ted sighed. Hoping Winnie wouldn't see him, he walked around the field and up the stairs in the stands. He sat down seven chairs from him. They didn't look at eachother.  
"Don't smoke. It's not good for you." Ted said. He didn't get a response, so he looked at Winston. He sat there, with his elbows resting on his knees, cigarette hanging between his lips, and hands clasped. His eyes followed the football and the little boys running after it. Then he took the cigarette and dropped it, stepping on it and twisting his foot to squeeze it against the ground. He licked his lips, still not looking at Ted.  
"I know you're pissed. You're allowed to be but.." Now Winnie made a sound. He snorted quietly and raised one eyebrow.  
"What?" Ted asked, snorting in the middle of the word.  
"Always a 'but'. Never just a dot at the end of the sentence. There's always a 'but'." He said.  
"I didn't mean like that."

"Yes you did. 'Winnie, it's great that you can express happiness, _but_ calm down a bit', 'You're allowed to be angry, _but_ not for that reason'. But, but, but. I'm tired of all the 'buts'." He said.

"It kind of sounds like you're shouting about bums." Ted said, and Winston stood up and started to walk down the stairs. Ted realized this maybe wasn't the best time to joke around.  
"No, Win, I'm sorry. Don't- don't go." Ted said, with some sort of puppy eyes, begging for Winstons attention. He stopped, still not looking at Ted. He hadn't looked at him once, since he got here.  
"Please." He added.  
"Why?" he asked and a thousand reasons ran through Ted's head.  
"B.." he sighed. "Because." Winnie just stood there. He started searching through his pockets for his pack of cigarettes.  
"Just.. Sit down and let me talk to you." Ted said as he sat down on one of the seats. Winston turned around, with an unlit cigarette between his lips. And for the first time their eyes met. Not just a quick awkward look. This one lasted for seconds. But Winston's eyes were empty. With heavy steps, he walked back up the stairs and sat down, leaving one seat empty between them. He didn't say anything, just sat there waiting for Ted to speak.  
"First of all. I'm sorry for coming here. I know this is your place." He said. He sighed, because talking to Winston right now was like talking to a wall.

"And second.." He looked at Winnie. "Don't smoke." He added and hit Winstons hand so that he dropped the cigarette. Winston turned his head and glared at Ted.  
"Sorry. I just.." he sighed. "Just say something."

"What do you want me to say?"  
"Do you really want to know?"  
"Not really."  
"I want you to say you're not mad. And come back with me." Ted said. Winston didn't answer. He just stared.

"Okay. You are mad. But can you please explain why? And I will try to make it up to you."

Winston took a deep breath.

"You know those bad days you have once in a while? When nothing goes right? When you're pissed of about everything and the smallest things makes you want to break down and cry." He said. Ted nodded and looked at him.  
"I do."

Winston swallowed hard and then he looked at Ted.  
"I think I'm having one of those days. And I'm just so tired. So fucking tired. Of being treated like a kid. And of getting blamed and of.. everything. And today is just not the best day to become tired. Today is just not the best day for anything."

Ted sat for a few seconds, just thinking. He moved to the empty seat between them. They both just sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Ted leaned his head against Winnie's shoulder. Winston pushed it away, just to lean his against Ted's.

"You can cry if you want to. No 'buts'." Ted said and Winston sobbed quietly.

"I don't think I can. I don't know how to." He said. His voice was almost unhearable. "I just want to sit here and just.. sit."

"Okay." Ted said and Winston grabbed his hand, and held it tight. Another quiet sob left his mouth.  
"Ted?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Thank you."


	6. Chapter 6

The next day everything was back to normal. Ted woke up in his own bed and Winston in his. They didn't have any plans for today. No gigs. Just free time. But they didn't know how to spend it. Initially they both stayed in bed for a few hours, falling back asleep and waking up every now and then. Winston felt lonely. He missed Ted. He didn't want to admit it, and if somebody asked he probably wouldn't say. But he did.  
Ted hadn't given much thought to Winston. He had been busy watching 'Full House' all morning. But now when the credits rolled to the last episode of season one, he remembered last night. With a sigh he turned the TV off.

He called Marcus.  
"Yes?" he quickly answered.  
"Hey!"

"T-bear!" he said and you could hear him smiling.  
"So I thought we could all go out tonight, you know, just have some boys time and maybe, go to a pub? Grab some food or a beer? I don't know."  
"Yeah, sure. Sounds great!"  
"Yeah? Okay great! I'll tell the others! My place at, let's say 6!"  
"Okay, yeah! See you, then!"

The day passed by without anything special happening. Winston watched football. Ted watched 'Friends'. Marcus watched whatever was on TV and so did Ben. Then suddenly it was 6 o' clock and they all met at Ted's apartment before they hit the city. They decided to have dinner at their favourite pub. Settled by their table the talking began.  
"So, Ted. I can't believe you actually talked Win out of that thing yesterday ." Marcus said with a laugh.

"Out of what?" Ted asked.  
"Out of his anger."  
"It was nothing." Ted sighed.  
"I know. He's such a little kid, always getting pissed about nothing."

"Don't call him a kid, Marcus."  
"It was a joke, Ted."

"Well, maybe it's not very funny. Always being called 'immature' and 'a kid', I mean."  
"Jeez, Ted. I'm sorry. Let it go." Marcus said, as the waitress arrived with his food. Winston had followed them with his eyes during their little argument.  
"He is right, though." he said as he took a bite of his hamburger. "You are my best friends but sometimes it feels like you think I actually am your "son" and not just a member of the band." Ben chuckled at Winstons little pun.  
"Haha. _Son_. Mumford and _sons_." He said, eating his salad. They all chuckled for a moment. Ted looked at Winnie, and he immediately turned to face him too. They smiled at eachother.  
"Now, if you excuse me, I have to go talk to Ted, alone." Winston said and stood up grabbing Ted's arm.  
"You guys have secrets on your own now?" Ben asked with a smile. His white Ben-smile.  
"I can't tell you, it's a secret." Winston said. He dragged Ted with him away from their table, into the bathroom and inside one of the stalls. He locked the door and quickly looked around, just to be sure no one could see them. Then he pressed his lips hard against Ted's. Ted pulled him closer, and Winnie pushed him against the wall. He grabbed Ted's shirt collar and Ted put his hand at Winstons neck. They had to take a break to breathe and for a quick second they looked eachother in the eye, just a few inches separating their faces. Just as their lips met again, the bathroom door opened and they stood still, hoping it wasn't who they thought it was.  
"Winnie? Ted? Are you in there? _Together_?" Marcus voice said and they moved away from eachother as if Marcus could see them leaning against eachother, when he could actually only see their feet.  
"We wanted to go somewhere private to talk." Ted said.

"Okay. Yeah fine." Marcus said, and then he left. They heard him mumble a quiet "Inside a bathroom stall.." as he walked through the door. Now Ted could look at Winston again. He didn't meet his eyes.  
"Have you been drinking?"

"A little."  
"Winston we can't.."  
"I know."  
"Let's go."

They went back out into the restaurant. Pretending as if they just had a secret talk they never had. Pretending that they did not, just a minute ago, stand with their bodies pressed together feeling the taste of eachothers lips. They sat down, drinking their beer, talking to Ben and Marcus. Having a good time with their best friends, but they couldn't stop thinking about what happened. Not in all night. Not after eight beers. Not when they stumbled back home over the rain drenched streets of London, laughing, and not even when they locked the doors behind them in their own apartments, washing their faces in cold water. They looked at themselves in the mirror. Looking the same but feeling different. Winston wanted to forget. He forced himself of thinking it was a one time event. He was into girls. He knew that. But it was hard. Harder than he ever thought it would be.

Ted didn't know anything anymore. It had felt so right yet so wrong. He crashed into his bed, burying his face in his pillow trying to not think at all. It's funny. Those times when you just want to forget everything and not think, is always the times when you think more than you ever thought you were capable of.

The phone rang. He picked up, not speaking. Neither did the person in the other end of it.

"We can't let that happen again."  
"I know."  
"But.."  
"Yeah. I feel the same way."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I need you tonight. I'm lonely."

Okay, so if you didn't already understand this, Winston and Winnie (also Win) is the same person. I'm so used to calling him Winnie I just realized it might be a bit confusing. Otherwise, enjoy :D


	7. Chapter 7

It took thirty minutes for Ted to get to Winstons apartment. When he rang the doorbell it only took two seconds for Winston to open the door. Ted went inside, serving himself a glass of wine. He sat down on one of the chairs by the table, following Winston with his eyes as he walked across the room and sat down in front of him.  
"So what do you want to do?" Ted said. Winnie didn't answer. Then he looked at Ted. Their eyes met. For a long time. Not just a quick awkward look, not just for a few seconds. For a long time. Winnie bit his lower lip. He looked like a sad puppy, trying not to chew on those brand new fancy shoes in the hallway. Winston was the puppy and Ted were the shoes. But the puppy couldn't help himself. He needed to sink his teeth into those shoes. He threw himself off the chair, over Ted, overturned the wine glass. The wine was poured over their knees and the glass fell from the table, smashing into a million pieces on the floor. They didn't care. Right now, nothing was important. Ted tasted like wine and sweat. Winston, like whiskey and cigarettes. The chair fell over and Ted lost his breath for a few seconds. Winston moved away from his chest as he tried to get it back. Then he looked at Winston with a quick nod and in a second Winston was on top of him again. Ted grabbed his neck and ran his hand through Winstons hair. The he rolled over, on top of Winnie. They stopped, and looked into eachothers eyes. Then it was back to business. Ted tried to stand up and Winston got his wink. Ted threw his shirt off, so did Winston. Lips still pressed together, Ted sighed.  
"What?" Winston mumbled.  
"The zipper is stuck." Ted said, and looked down, leaning his forehead against Winnie's. Winston looked down aswell.

"Can't you just cut them off?" he said impatiently just as the zipper finally relented and Ted's pants fell to the floor. Winnie pushed Ted down on the bed. Ted rolled them over and then he looked into Winstons eyes. Winnie tried to kiss him, but he pulled away, still lying on top of him.  
"We can't do this." Winston said.  
"Why?"  
"You don't want to. I don't want to."  
"What do you mean?" Ted said and stood up beside the bed looking down on Winston. He sighed.  
"We don't really want this. We're not gay, Ted. I don't know what I'm doing." He got up from the bed and put his t-shirt back on.  
"Oh, yeah, great." Ted said. No, he growled it. Like an angry dog.  
"What?" Winston said.

"You pull me this far and then you just quit."  
"Ted. We don't want this. I don't want this."  
"I can't believe you, Winston. You ask me to get here, you fucking throw yourself over me and then you tell me you don't want this. I just think you're scared."  
"I am not fucking scared."  
"Yes you are."  
"Is this what you enjoy doing, Ted? Brining people down? Are you just a little fucking pathetic man who doesn't know what you want to do with your life and everything sucks and therefore you take your anger out on other people?"

"You know what? That might be."  
"Jesus I can't understand how all of our talks _always_ turn into arguments!"  
"It's because you _always _have to overreact about the smallest things!"  
"Excuse me? Who the hell started this argument? That's right, YOU did!"  
"I wouldn't have if you hadn't just stopped!"  
"Ted, if I weren't afraid to ruin your perfect face I would fucking slap the shit out of it right now! Just leave, now please."  
Ted chuckled.  
"What did you say?"  
"I asked you to leave."  
"No. Before that."  
"I didn't say anything before that."  
"You little shit. You're actually attracted to me."  
"Fuck you."  
"Fuck me."  
They didn't scream at eachother anymore. They didn't say another word for a long time. For forty minutes to be exact. Ted never left. He stayed all night. Fell asleep with Winston in his arms. Winston didn't sleep for another two hours. He laid awake in Ted's strong, protective arms, thinking. Thinking about what to do now. He decided that it was probably best if he just continued acting like he had always done around Ted. Although it had a completely different meaning to them now. He was tired. He couldn't think clearly, so he just grabbed Ted's arm and pulled it around him. Ted mumbled something in his sleep. Winston snuggled up close to him and fell asleep breathing in the smell of Ted.

Hope this wasn't too awkward for you to read ! (lol)

But yeah, that's it. N'joy (:


	8. Chapter 8

Winston slowly woke up the next morning. Squinting against the light he lifted his head from the pillow and turned it so find Ted behind him. Buried in the blanket like a living burrito.  
"Ted." Winston whispered, still half asleep. Ted moaned and turned around.  
"Ted." Winston said again and after some time Ted turned back to him and squinted against him.  
"What?" he said with a rasping morning voice.  
"You've got all of the blanket. I'm fucking cold." Ted just looked at him so Winston moved closer to him and crawled in under the blanket. Ted winced as Winston's cold skin touched his own.

"Don't touch me." He said and Winston smiled at him as he placed both of his hands on Ted's back just to tease.  
"Oh shit you little.." he tickled Winston so that he almost fell out of the bed. Winnie tried to defend himself by pushing Ted away with his cold hands, laughing. Ted laughed as well. Then they stopped, lying on their sides, looking into eachothers eyes. Winston laughed but the laugh got interrupted by Ted's lips against his. This time it wasn't just a kiss, though. This time it was more. It was like a _first kiss_. Full of passion, full of virginity. Yet so scary. They pulled away and as Ted opened his eyes he noticed the look on Winstons face. A look he hadn't seen many times before. A look of incomprehension with a little wrinkle between his eyebrows. Like there was something he didn't understand.

"What's wrong?" Ted said, moving away from him to give him some space. Winston sat up on the bed. He bit him lip trying to figure out what to say.  
"This has to end." He then said, looking at Ted.  
"I know."  
"It's just.. I don't want it to."  
"I have to say, me neither."

They sat on either side of the bed, looking at eachother or looking away for about four minutes. Then they both crawled across the sheets meeting in the middle. Ted pulled Winston to him, laying down on the pillow as he buried them both in the still warm blanket. Winston inhaled the smell of Ted's perfume that was all over them by now. In the sheets, in the clothes and on their skin.  
"You smell good."  
"You already told me that."

"I did?"  
"Yeah."  
"Weird. I don't remember that."

Then came silence. Ted caressed Winnies arm where he lied with his head against Ted's shoulder. They both stared at the black TV screen.  
"I like this. It feels weird but I can get used to it." Winston said. Ted smiled. "I can even get used to having your toothbrush in my bathroom." he added and Ted chuckled.  
"As much as I and my toothbrush appreciate your offer this is the last time." He said.

But no. It was not the last time. It was just the beginning of the second time.

Okay so this was a short chapter but I liked the ending like that. Hehe. I'll try to write a long chapter 9 for U.  
Hope you like it!


	9. Chapter 9

This all went on for a week. Winston one day walked around in Ted's apartment, wearing nothing but a towel tied around his hips, brushing his teeth and Ted said

"We can't keep this going for much longer."

He was staring at something completely uninteresting on the TV screen just to avoid eye contact.  
"I know that." Winston said as he walked back to the bathroom.  
"We should just quit. While we can."  
"Or we continue until we get tired of it." Winston said. "Hey have you seen my clothes?"  
"Are you blind? They're right there." Ted replied, pointing at a chair. "And I don't think I'll ever be able to get tired of it." Ted sat up in the bed and put his pants on.

"One week of this and I'm already addicted." Winston said. He pulled his shirt over his head and then he went to the kitchen. "Haven't you got anything eatable?" He shouted.

Ted took a moment to figure out which one of Winston's last sentences he was going to reply to.  
"I don't know. Just check for yourself. You're already there." he said as he had decided to answer his food question. He joined Winston in the kitchen. Leaning against the counter he said  
"I still think we should tell Ben and Marcus." Winston turned around.  
"Well I don't."  
"I really don't see why."  
"Because they don't understand, Ted."  
"Win, they're our best friends. They will."  
"I don't see why we have to."

"Don't you think they deserve to know?"  
"No."  
"And why is that? Are you scared?"  
"Because you just told me it has to end." They were both staring at eachother. "And if it's gonna end, why do they have to know about it? When it won't even excist anymore."

Winston had a small crinkle of concern between his eyebrows. Ted didn't speak. "And if you want to tell them, why does it have to end?"  
"The band, Winston. It would be a lot easier if it wasn't about the band."

Winston slowly nodded and with a sigh he then sat down by the table.

"What's the matter?"

"I just.." He looked at Ted. "It actually hurts. It's like I feel sad and it doesn't go away. It's like I miss you all the time and when I'm not with you.. I feel so lonely." He sighed and looked at his hands. "And I don't even love you. Not in that way."

Silence engulfed the room. Winston looked up and met Ted's eyes, but Ted looked away.  
"Well.." he said, lips together. "That's tough luck for me then, because I love you."

Winston was back in his own apartment an hour after that. As he walked by the bathroom he looked at the wide open door. The door that Ted slammed into his eyebrow after the first night. As he closed the door he saw Ted's green toothbrush beside his own in a small cup by the mirror and for a second he felt like he wanted to spend the rest of his life that way. Pretending like nothing was going on, sneaking into Ted's apartment late at night, eat late breakfasts together _with someone_ for a change. He didn't care that he had to bring his toothbrush in a plastic bag every night, and take it back with him every time he left, just in case someone would notice that there was an extra toothbrush in Ted's bathroom. He felt like he didn't care about running around in the mornings not being able to find his clothes and not even about the silly fights and arguments they always had over nothing. But after those three words slipped through Ted's lips they hadn't said a word to eachother. And those words could never be unsaid or forgotten. With a few exchanged looks they had decided that it was best if Winston left, and so he had. Now he was back in his own empty apartment and it didn't feel like home anymore. He didn't want to feel this way, but he did and he couldn't help it. He sat down and tried to watch a movie but he couldn't concentrate on it. He called Ted. As soon as he picked up Winston said

"I'm sorry."

Ted was quiet for a few seconds.

"Was it all just a lie? Why did you do it? If you.." He stopped as his voice broke. "If you don't love me."  
"No Ted I.. You.."  
"You thought we were just fuck buddies? Well I didn't think of it in that way. I thought it was the beginning of something special."  
"Ted listen to me! I'm sorry. It wasn't like that it.."

"You know what? I think a break can't harm. I think it's good."  
"You will still see me. You can't get away from that. You just won't get to fuck me."

"Wow Win, really? I didn't think of that." His words were drenched in sarcasm. "I'll see you around." he mumbled and then he hung up.

Winston sighed. He got mad at himself and sat down, burying his face in his hands for a few seconds. Maybe they were right? Maybe he _was_ immature and got mad about the smallest things. Maybe he _was_ the one to always screw things up, but _maybe_ he just didn't want to admit it to himself. _Maybe_ he was scared. And maybe_, maybe_, he actually loved Ted Dwane.

Maybe.


	10. Chapter 10

Winston woke up by the buzzing sound of his phone, vibrating on the bedside table beside him. He squinted against the light from the screen and saw the name of the person calling him. Marcus. With a deep breath and his eyes closed he answered with a morning- hoarse voice.  
"What?" he said and he heard Marcus sigh.  
"You've forgotten, haven't you?"  
"I think so. I have no idea what you're talking about."  
"We're going on a weeks tour, Winston. Round in the UK."  
"Oh fuck." Winston groaned and sat up on the bedside. "When?"

Marcus took a look at his watch, ofcourse Winston didn't see that, but he did and then he said

"Can you be ready in fourty minutes?"  
"_Fuck_." Winston sighed. "I'll try."

They hung up and Winston started running around, collecting everything he could get hold of. He didn't have the time to plan what he would need in a more detailed way than clothes, underwear and a toothbrush. After about twenty minutes of running around with his arms full of random clothes and other things he 'migh need', he zipped his bag and sat down on a chair, staring at it with happy eyes. It was stuffed with things, from which he'd probably only use a third of. He still felt proud of himself as he had eighteen more minutes to do whatever he wanted with. Without giving it much of a thought, he decided to spend them under his blanket, sleeping.

Once again the deafening buzzing from his phone woke him up and this time he was, if possible, even more tired. For a second he had forgotten it all again, but then he remembered and picked up the phone, answered with a quiet "Yes." and a sigh.

"We're outside. Are you ready?"

"I'll be out in a minute."

He slowly got dressed, picked up his bag and his other things, locked the door and left the building. The cold air outside made him want to let go of everything and just run back upstairs and into his warm bed. But he didn't, because he couldn't. Instead he got on the tour bus. Ben, Marcus and Ted sat in the sofa by the small table next to one of the windows. They all looked at him as he entered, looking like a zombie and dropping his heavy bag on the floor. They were in the middle of a card game. Winston took a minute to decide whether he'd join them to be polite, or just crash in one of the beds.  
"Winnie?" Marcus said, waving his hand in front of Winston's face.

"Do you hate me if I go to sleep?" he said and Ben laughed.  
"You look like a zombie so, no, I wouldn't hate you." he said and Ted smiled and looked back at his cards.  
"Go on." Marcus said and Winston couldn't think of anything he loved more than his three best friends. Except for his bed. At the same second he started walking the bus stared moving and he grabbed Ted's head not to fall.

"Ouch. You're pulling my hair." Ted said, smiling and Winston let go of his head. Ted stood up and grabbed Winnies shoulder.  
"I'll walk you there. It's a long, dangerous way for a zombie like yourself." Winston just nodded and smiled a weak smile.

"Fucking nagging 'bout me being a zombie." He mumbled. He didn't really need help to get to the bed, they both knew that, but they used every second they could spend together alone. Winston once again started moving and opened the door to the bedroom.  
"That's the toilet, Win." Ted said and turned him around. "And you're sleeping on the top bunk this time." he added and Winston started climbing up the stairs. Ted helped him to get up.

"Stop touching my bum, Ted." he said and Ted laughed a silent Ted-laugh, and pushed Winston up the last steps. When he was safe and sound, buried under the blanket Ted turned around to get back to the others but he got stopped by Winston's tired voice. He had hoped he'd be stopped and he couldn't hold back the smile that now adnored his lips.  
"And Ted? I do love you. Cause you're my mate. Always."  
"Are you drunk, Win?" Ted smiled, thinking that this wasn't Winston, but his heart still turned warm.  
"No. Just tired as fuck." Winston answered, eyes closed.

"There's an easy way to get rid of that. It's called sleeping." Ted said with a short chuckle and then he turned around again, a small part of him hoping Winston would once again stop him, but he could already hear him snoring in the same way as a little kitten. Silently, in a way that made Ted fall even deeper in love with him and he hated it.

He left and sat down by the table with the other boys again.  
"Are you two cool? I mean.. Is there something going on between you?" Marcus said with a tone of suspicion.  
"What? Yes. Everything's fine, Marcus. We just.. You know.. We've been hanging out a lot lately. We understand eachother."  
"Are you saying we don't understand you?" Ben said, jokingly.

"No, Ben." Ted sighed.  
"I thought we were a gang, here. I thought everyone shared everything with everyone." Marcus added smiling a smile Ted didn't notice.  
"Marcus, Ben. Jeez, let it go. Can't we just play cards now?"  
"I think they have a secret relationship." Ben whispered to Marcus and Ted froze. He stared at them with a million thoughts rushing through his mind. He didn't know what to say. How did they know?

"It was a joke, Ted. Relax." Ben said and gave Ted a pat on the shoulder. Ted smiled. Mostly of relief but Ben and Marcus didn't know that. They thought he smiled because they'd just made a funny joke. But they didn't know. There was a lot they didn't know.  
"_Haha_. Very funny. Let's just play now."

After an hour Winston came out from the small, separated part of the bus where the beds were situated. He sat down with them.  
"What are we doing?" he asked and Ben looked at him for a while.  
"Nothing. Now _we're_ tired." he said and Winston nodded and raised one eyebrow. Nobody talked. Marcus sat with his head leaning against the window chewing some gum and watching the landscape outside passing by, ten feet per second. Ben was leaning back in his seat, fumbling with the seatbelt buckle. Ted was asleep with his head hanging askew.  
"Oh. Really enjoying my company." Winston said, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. Except for that wooshing sound you always hear when you're in a car, it was completely silent. But Winstons drumming fingers broke the silence and Marcus looked away from the window and stared at Winston with tired eyes.  
"Can you please stop that? You're not a drummer. We all know that." he said and Winston raised his middle finger at Marcus in return, with an evil smirk on his face.  
"Fuck you too." Marcus said and smirked back. Winston gasped and grabbed Ted's arm, shaking it wildly. He woke up immediately.

"Mom! Mom! Mom, he cursed! Mooooom!" Winston shouted and Ted looked at him, with uncomprehending and tired eyes.

"What?" he said, full of confuse. "Winston leave me alone. I fucking hate you." He said and turned away as much as he could, trapped, as he was in his seat.

"Dad! Dad! Mom cursed too." Winston said, kicking Ben's legs under the table.  
"You're a shithead, Winston. Leave us alone. We're tired." Ben said, and Winston saw the weak smile on his lips.

"By the way. _If _we were a family, _I'd _be the dad." Ted said and then he yawned and leaned his head back again.

"You're all shitheads." Winston said and curled up in his seat, arms crossed over his chest.

And there they sat for an hour, sleeping, watching the road pass by outside the windows or just watching eachother. Smiling at faces they made or giggling at conversations they had with looks.

"Are they asleep?" mimed Winston and Ben looked at him with a crinkle of confusion between his eyebrows. Winston repeated his silent sentence.  
"I don't know." Ben mimed in return.  
"Ice on low?" Winston whispered, questioningly and Ben held in a chuckle.  
"I. Don't. Know." he whispered and Winston tried not to burst out in laughter as Ted opened one eye, glaring at him.

"Winnie. Just laugh for real. You sound like a retard." he said and Winston stopped trying to hold it in. He stumbled away into the bed section of the bus and fell down onto Ted's bed.  
"Get the fuck out of my bed." Ted shouted as he ran in there aswell. He fell down on top of Winston and tried to push him down on the floor.

"Beat it, creep." Ted said, laughing. Winston grabbed Ted and held him tight.  
"If I'm going down you're coming with me." He said and Ted tried to push him away. He realized Winston wouldn't let go and stopped trying.  
"Titanic." He whispered in Winston's ear and he immediately let go and jumped down on the floor, hanging on the edge of the bed with Ted's hands in his.  
"Rose." he said, pretending he was covered in icecold water.

"Jack." Ted whispered. They were staring deeply into eachothers eyes.  
"I love you Rose."

"And I you, Jack."  
"I will always be here. Even when I'm dead. I will always stay here, with you. Inside your heart." Winston whispered, very into his character.  
"So cheesy." Ted laughed. "But hey, Jack? Why don't you just get up here on the fucking door with me?"

"Hey that's a great idea! How come we didn't think of that?" Winston said as Ted helped him up. They laid close, facing eachother.  
"I don't know." Ted said as he looked into Winstons eyes. "Now kiss me you fool." he added and grabbed Winstons face, pretending to kiss him. He could have done it, for real, but he knew Ben and Marcus was watching them, or atleast listening to them. Rolling their eyes at their childishness.

Winston wrapped his arms around Ted's neck and they rolled around in the bed, making kissing noices and laughing. They both ended up on the floor, cathing their breath.  
"Wow, Jack. That was awesome."  
"Yes, Rose, but I don't think they used the word 'awesome' back then."

"You're probably right."  
"As always then."

"No I think this is the first time, actually. Worth celebrating." Ted said and raised on one elbow. "May I offer you some champagne?"

"We've got champagne?" Winston said with a gasp.  
"No. I lied." Ted said. "We're musicians not hollywood moviestars." He stood up, fixed his hair and went back outside. Ben followed him with his eyes as he sat down in one of the seats.  
"Wow. You two are kids trapped in grown men's bodies." He said and Ted smiled with a little laugh.

"We just really love titanic."

Winston joined them. He sat down with a loud sigh.

"I'm so fucking tired of this bus. Anyone wanna play some videogames?"  
"We're almost there, now." Marcus said, still looking out the window.

"When's our first gig?"

"Starts at five I think."  
"Videogames, Ted?" Winston said with a wide smile.  
"And we have rehearals. And soundcheck." Ben said and Winston's smile faded.

"No videogames then." He said and crossed his arms over his chest, looking out through the window as the bus drove into the parking lot. A sign by the road welcomed them with a big "Welcome Mumford & Sons" written across it.

"Thank you." Winston said and Ted smiled and shook his head. They drove a littlebit further to park behind the huge stage with a banner telling everyone that this was the "Gentlemen of the road Winchester stopover".

"Look, they've named this town after you, Win." Ted said.

"It's because I'm famous." Winston said and smirked. Marcus laughed as he was walking around to pick up the things he needed. Ben chuckled aswell and Ted gave Winston a pat on the shoulder.

"Sorry, mate."

"I hate you all."

"I know you love us." Marcus said. He grabbed a bottle of beer from the tiny fridge on the floor in the corner and Winston followed the bottle with his eyes.  
"Relax, mate. There's more." Marcus said and Winston rushed over to the fridge to grab one for himself. He stood up, turned around and almost walked right into Ted, standing there, leaning against the wall with his shoulder.  
"You forgot something." He said with a slight nod towards the fridge and Winston sat down to grab another one for Ted.  
"Here you go, lazy ass."  
"Good boy." Ted said, and patted him on the head like he was a little puppy. Winston barked and wagged his imaginary tail before he put his arm around Ted's shoulder and together they squeezed through the narrow door, side by side, and stepped out into the still chilly air.

The rehearsals started immediately with learning the order of the songs, go through them and a lot of yelling at Winston for acting silly. After two hours they were all settled backstage during a well-earned break. Winston, curled up in Marcus' knee while the others sat in their own chairs, chatting and drinking beer.

"Don't you ever think of where we'd all be if we had never met?" Winston said and Ben nodded in agreement.  
"I do that sometimes."  
"Winnie, you'd probably be a grumpy, lonely banjo player, who hates everyone and gets drunk at the pub every night." Ted said.  
"Isn't that what he is now?" Ben added and Ted and Marcus chuckled as they both took a sip from their bottles. Winston glared at them and Ted gave him a kiss through the air from the other end of the small room.  
"It scares me, though." Marcus said, going back to the first subject. "You're the best people I know. I love doing what I do and getting to do it with you. I don't know what I'd do or be without you."  
They didn't have to speak. Just watching eachother, exchanging looks, they knew that they all felt the same. Their eyes whispered 'I love you' while their lips were sealed.


	11. Chapter 11

Their Winchester stopover concert were nothing special to talk about. They loved it, ofcourse. Loved doing what they did. But it was just as usual. Nobody fell of the stage, Marcus didn't forget the lyrics and the stage didn't fall into pieces. I was a normal concert. Though, just because it was normal it didn't mean they didn't love it. They would always love it. But now it was over and they were gathered inside the bus. Slightly drunk, as they were all enjoying their sixth beer.

"We were thinking about getting in to the town and maybe, I don't know, explore this place?" Marcus said and put his hand on Ben's shoulder to show that with 'we' he meant Ben and himself. "You two want to come with us?"

Ted and Winston took a quick, almost unnoticeable, look at eachother.  
"I don't know.." Ted started.  
"For how long?" Winston added.  
"I'm a bit.." Ted looked at Winston "..tired."

"Yeah, me too." Winston looked back at Ted.  
"Winnie, you've been sleeping for hours today!" Ben complained. Marcus stood up and shook Ben's shoulder to make him come with him aswell.  
"Let's go. They can't be persuaded. They're like kids." He said, to tease them.  
"Have fun boys!" Winston said with the dorkiest voice he had.  
"Don't stay out too late." Ted added as he waved them goodbye at the door. Then they were gone. Ted and Winston were alone in the bus. For quite a long time ahead. Ted turned around, looking at Winston with dark, allmost black, eyes, like a hungry beast. Winston was wearing a light blue shirt, with one button left unbuttoned, tucked into his worn pants. And, oh, how Ted _could not stand_ when Winston was wearing suspenders. And that dark blue hat, put on backwards, keeping his perfectly long, dark hair away from his face. He licked his lips as he took a few steps towards Winston.  
"Ted? Are you allright?" Winston asked, taking a few steps back.  
"I'm fine. What do you mean?" he replied with that same look on his face.  
"Ted. You're scaring me now. What are you doing?" Now they were standing really close. Winston, pressed against the wall as Ted stood infront of him, studying his face. Winston bit his lip to stop all of the feelings from rushing over him at once. The weird look on Teds face went away and he met Winston's eyes. Then he took a deep breath and all of a sudden the look was back. He grabbed Winston's arm and dragged him to the bedroom. With a hard push Winston was lying on the bed.  
"Ouch Ted that really.." He looked up on Ted, standing over him. "That really hurt."  
Ted smirked, a smirk Winston had never seen before. He didn't know what it meant and he was not sure he liked it.  
"Well.. You better get used to it." he said and Winston raised on his elbows.

"Ted." Winston said and looked around. "We really shouldn't. What if they come back early?"

"They won't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"We'll hear them."

"No. Maybe we won't." Winston said as he got up from the and took his hat, that fell off his head as Ted pushed him down on the bed, and put it back on. The look went away from Ted's face and instead, he just looked sad.  
"I'm sorry, Ted."

"I just though you wanted this." Ted said, through clenched teeth.  
"I do. I really, really do." Winston's hand found its way to Ted's and he braided their fingers together. He took a quick look at their hands and smiled at how perfect they suited together before he looked up, back at Ted.  
"But we've got time, Winnie." Ted said, looking at their hands aswell.  
"_Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me.._" Winnie started and Ted looked at him and sighed with a smile.  
"No. Not that.. What is it called? That boyband?" he laughed and Winnie smirked back at him.  
"One Direction. So you don't want me to sing?"  
"I certainly don't." Ted sat down on the bedside and Winston sat down beside him.  
"Good, 'cause that's the only line I know.."  
"What song is it from?"  
"Isn't it that.. What's it called? That 'what makes you beautiful' one?"  
"My hands? That's what makes me beautiful?" Ted said with a small chuckle. Winston smiled and looked at their intertwined fingers.  
"That's one of the things that makes you beautiful." he said and Ted looked at him, trying to meet his eyes.

"No.." He cleared his throat. "I'm not beautiful." Winston looked up.

"Are you kidding me? You're the hottest one in the band." he said with a serious look on his face and Ted laughed.  
"Well.. I like your smile." he said and Winston smiled that smile that Ted loved the most. The smile he had caused. But for a few seconds Winston looked lost. Like a little boy in a big forest. Like he didn't know what he was doing or where he was. He looked scared in some way. Confused. Then their eyes met and the little lost boy in Winnie found his way home as Ted squeezed his hand for a moment.  
"I do love when you wear that hat of yours, too." Ted said with a smirk, taking the hat off Winston's head, leaving his hair in a big mess. Winston loved that smirk. That smirk he got when they were together.

He loved Ted.

"I love you Ted." He said, quickly, looking away.  
"What?" Ted said, freezing as he was putting the hat on his head. Winston looked back at him. He looked chocked, as if he'd just seen a ghost.  
"Say it again." Ted said.  
"I.." Winston took a deep breath. "I love you, Ted."  
The silence devoured the room, but Ted couldn't stop smiling. He moved closer to Winston. As close as he could get. He looked at Winston and Winston looked at him.  
"You do look really good in that.." His sentence got cut off by Ted's soft lips against his own. The sweet kiss lasted for seconds. Ted's warm hand gripped Winston's neck and their teeth hit together as they both smiled. Ted pulled away, and placed a last, quick peck on Winston's lips before he let go of his neck and opened his eyes to watch Winston slowly open his and look back at him with that lost boy look on his face. Like he had just found a jar full of gold at the end of the rainbow.

"Hat." he ended his senctence. "You do look really good in that _hat_."  
"Well.. As much as I love those suspenders, they've got to come off." Ted said and pulled down the suspenders from each one of Winston's shoulders. Then they laid down. The wild beast in Ted was gone now. This was like the first time again. Moving slowly, looking into eachothers eyes and kissing with soft lips, and tongues meeting once in a while.

But it didn't go on that way all through the night.

1.36 am Winston laid in Ted's arms. Both heavy breathing, sweaty, not saying a word as they were staring into the bottom of the bed above them.  
"Your nails are like claws." Ted said of out the blue. Winston didn't answer. He didn't have anything to say. Instead he got up. He picked up his clothes and Ted's from the floor and as he threw them at Ted he noticed that he was lying on his side, watching him with that smirk. The smirk that was his only weakness. He smiled back and put his clothes on.

"They could be back in any minute." Winston said as he ran his hand through Ted's hair.  
"Okay. You're right." Ted put his hand on Winston's cheek and then he got up.

After another twenty minutes they were both lying quiet in their own beds. Winston could hear Ted breathe. He was asleep.  
"Ted?" he whispered.  
"Ted?" he said, a littlebit louder this time. He didn't get any response so he climbed down from his bed and sat down next to Ted's, studying his beautiful face as he was asleep.  
"Stop staring at me." Ted suddenly mumbled and opened his eyes.  
"Oh. This is quite awkward." Winston said.  
"You want to sleep in my bed?"  
"Yeah.. If you sleep in it too."

"Don't you think they'll wonder? I mean, why we're in the same bed?"  
"No I don't. They don't know, remember? Besides, it's not like we're naked or anything."

"Then come here." Ted whispered.

Winston crawled up close to him. He pulled Ted's muscular arms around him and they snuggled up together. Ted buried his face in Winston's neck and Winston took Ted's hand and held it in his.  
"We have to tell them, Winnie."

"Yes. I know."

"Though I'm scared. What if they don't understand?"  
"They will."  
"Okay."

Ted hugged him tight for a while. Then he realxed and once again he buried his face in Winstons neck.  
"And Ted?"  
"Yes?"  
"I'm sorry if my nails hurt you."

"They did. But I forgive you. I'd even forgive you if you broke my heart."

"I'd never do that."  
"Good."

"Yeah. Goodnight."  
"Night."


	12. Chapter 12

Winston woke up by Ted pushing him and he grabbed the first thing he could get hold of, in this case Ted's arm, not to fall out of the bed. In half-asleep panic he pulled himself back up, almost tearing Ted's arm off.  
"What the hell?" He mumbled and buried his face in the pillow, but turned over to lie on his back as the pillow was too warm and breathing into it was nearly unpossible. He took a deep breath and Ted watched his chest lift with it.  
"You've been kicking me like a football." Ted said and Winston chuckled.  
"It's not fucking funny. I'm so tired."  
"I actually think I had a dream about football."  
"Well you're never sleeping with me again." Ted muttered and Winston moved closer to him with a smirk.  
"Oh we both know I am."  
"I know and I hate it." Ted turned to face the wall. Winston snuggled up to him from behind and Ted felt his warm breath against his shoulder like a tiny summer breeze. He winced as if something hade just given him an electric shock as Winston tickled his waist.  
"Stop." Ted said in the middle of a laugh and he turned around to tickle Winston aswell.

"Coward! You can't tickle someone younger than you!" Winnie screamed and Ted smiled a white, wide smile as he grabbed Winnie's wrists and held them in his right hand as he continued tickling him with the other one. For a few minutes they were both engulfed by the ticklewar. Not until Winston almost slipped out of the twin size bed, and Ted quickly threw himself forward to catch him, just in time to grip his neck before his head hit the floor, they both stopped. Both of their tense bodies hanging over the edge of the bed. Faces close, staring into eachothers eyes. The wooden plank on the side of the bed were cutting into Winstons back, but he didn't mind as Ted smiled at him lying on top of him, keeping him away from the floor. He put his fingers under Winnies chin, holding it up and watched his face with a smile on his face.

"Well you're a neat little lad." he said as he, with the other hand, held a firm grip of Winston's neck.  
"Oh stop it you." Winston smirked.  
"Oh my god, guys, get a room!" Marcus said as he walked into the bedroom, looking for something with a cup of coffee in his left hand.  
"Ha-ha-ha." Ted said as he let go of Winston, letting him fall to the floor with a heavy thud. Winston didn't mind moving from the cold floor, where he laid, dressed in noting but a blue t-shirt and dark boxers. He looked at Ted with sad puppy eyes and a hanging lip.  
"Winston get up from there you lazy ass." Marcus said. He was humming on a song and couldn't find what he was looking for, thus he hadn't been looking for it in any other place than in his bed. Still he threw everything away, impatiently, looking sort of furious and cursing to himself.  
"Where are we going?" Winston asked. He flew up from the floor and rubbed the part of his head he had landed on when Ted dropped him.

"Durham." Marcus shortly replied.

"Isn't that that quite far from Winchester?"

"Yeah. We've been driving for quite a while, you know."  
"Oh. Where are we going after that?"

"Scotland."

"Where in Scotland?"  
Marcus turned to him with an annoyed look on his face, half-open mouth and a small crinkle of irritation between his dark eyebrows.  
"Stop asking so much. Some of us haven't slept very much." He rolled his eyes as he turned away again, still looking for that _something_ he couldn't find.  
"What'cha lookin' for, mate?" Winston said with a dorky smile.  
"I can't believe you, Win! What did I just say?"  
"Okay, okay. Jus trying to help, you don't have to turn into a f-.." He stopped himself from using a flood of bad words. Then he smirked for himself as he though about all the things from yesterday night that Marcus didn't know about. The things that had kept Winston up for a lot longer than Marcus thought. He smirked at how Marcus didn't know that Ted and Winston yesterday night fell asleep not only on the same bed, but in eachothers arms.

Winston peeked at Ted from the other side of the table as he was drinking a cup of coffee and reading an old magazine. He studied the sun-bleached pages, with raised eyebrows and the cup infront of his mouth, taking a small sip from the hot beverage inside it. Nothing in that magazine interested him but he read it to have an excuse not to talk. Actually, he wasn't even reading. He was observing the letters that together formed words. Words he didn't understand because all he could think was about how he saw Winston in the corner of his eye, desperately trying to communicate without using any words. After waiting for a while, only because he loved to tease Winston, he finally looked up from his uninteresting magazine excuse, looked back at Winston and almost choked on his coffee and spilled it out on the table infront of him. Winston was smirking at him with a messy center parting hairstyle and sugarcubes stuffed under his upper lip. Winston took a quick look at Marcus and desperately tried to hold in a stubborn laughter, which ended with a snorting noise leaving through his nose. Ted wiped the coffee from his chin and the table with a small tissue and he chuckled as he glanced at Winston turning away from the table as he tried to cover up his nervous laughter.

"What the heck is it that is so damn funny?" a tired Marcus asked. He hadn't slept much this night and Winston glared at him and couldn't help but wondering why he didn't go back to sleep, like Ben had, instead of staying up, nagging and wailing about everything they did and said.

"Just Winston.. You know.. I mean.." Ted gestured towards Winston on the other side of the table. "Look at him." And so Marcus did. He stared at Winston for a few seconds and then he looked back out the window and drank his cold, washy coffee, slowly shaking his head. Winston turned back to Ted who rolled his eyes with a smile. A smile that Winston immediately returned. Then they looked at eachother for a while.

"Sooo, what did you guys do last night?" Winston said with a wide smile, resting his chin in his palm.

"Please just be quiet."

"Jesus Marcus. Are you on your fucking period or what?"

Marcus sighed and looked at him with tired eyes. Winston looked at Ted, wonderingly, and Ted answered with a weak, barely noticeable shrug.

"He's tired." he mimed and Winston slowly nodded and finished his glass of tasteless orangejuice.

The bus stopped behind the stage. It wasn't a big stage, but it was a stage, and not only a stage. It was a stage built for _them_. People were coming here to see _them_ perform on that stage. They all, still after all these years, had a hard time believing that people actually _paid money_ to see _them_ do their thing.

"Hello Durham!" exclaimed Winston, throwing his arms out, as he stepped out of the bus. It was raining. It had been raining all the way there. Winston and Ted had been sitting by the window, watching the raindrops run across it, betting on which one of them would reach the bottom first. But now the rain wasn't really rain anymore. It was more like tiny drops filling the air, making Winston's hair curly at the first touch.  
"Ted!" Winston screamed. "T-BEAR! It's still raining! Raindance! Hurryyyyy!"

Ted came running out like a loyal puppy. The raindance meant a lot to them both. It was their _thing. _Every couple had atleast one _thing_. And the raindance was one of theirs. And now they screamed of happiness as they both threw off their shirts and ran around in circles. Winston threw himself around Ted's neck and everything was just rainbows and unicorns until Marcus stopped them with words that made them both freeze.  
"What the hell is that on your back, Ted?"

Ted and Winston stopped, meeting echothers frightened eyes as they were both thinking the same thing. Ted turned his back to Winston and Winston's heart skipped a beat as he saw the long, red stripes, running across Ted's back, from neck to waist. He slowly leaned closer to Ted and silently whispered

"I guess my nails hurt you worse than we though." and got a quiet "Shit." in return.

Their eyes met again and Winston looked at Ted, where he stood, looking frightened with his curly hair almost covering his eyes. A thousand excuses constantly ran through both of their heads, none of them good enough to believe. Whatever they would say right now would sound like a lie and they both knew it. 'Was this the time?' they thought. The time for Marcus and Ben to finally find out? They couldn't run forever, they knew that. Ted took Winston's hand in his own and they looked at eachother. Winston nodded and Ted sighed. His blue eyes were full of concern. Just like he, once again, was that little boy he used to be. A little lonely boy in a big scary world. Winston pulled him closer, squeezed his shoulder and with a deep breath he dragged Ted with him back inside the bus. Ben was back from his beautysleep and now he met them by the table, looking like he was still sleeping and totally confused as everyone were looking either sad, nervous, furious or confused.  
"Hey. What's going on?"

Winston looked from Marcus to Ted, got a weak and pale nod, and then he looked back at Marcus again. "Wow. This is really happening." he thought just before he gently opened his mouth and forced a quiet "We have to talk" which immediately made him catch Marcus and Ben's wondering eyes.

He felt how Ted's grip of his hand turned harder. He held it to keep it from shaking and he wondered why he was so nervous. For the billionth time he told himself that 'they'll understand, they're our best friends'. But it didn't help. He'd forced himself to believe it since the start, but he never quite understood that they _might_ not, until now. Winston squeezed his hand and made him return from being trapped in his own mind. With a quick look at their hands he saw their fingers turning white in the tight grip.

"We have to talk, like now."

Ben looked like a living question mark and his eyes wandered from Marcus to Winston and then back to Marcus again. The silence devoured the room and Marcus suddenly spoke with a furious tone in his voice.  
"What's going on is that Ted took the opportunity yesterday night and slept with some random girl. There's fucking red marks all over his back."

Ben just stared.  
"What?"

"No." Winston said, slowly and almost unhearable. He had had enough.  
"I beg you pardon?"  
"I said _no_. He didn't."  
"And how can you be so sure?" Marcus said, mockling Winston, knowing he was right.  
"I know because he slept with me. Don't_ fucking _mess with my T-bear."


	13. Chapter 13

The way he told them wasn't exactly the way he had planned to tell them. But the rage inside of him, against Marcus for being such an asshole the entire day, pushed the words out of him. It was like the anger filled him and left no room for the words to stay inside of him, and so they slipped out.

Now everyone was sitting quietly by the small table in an uncomfortable silence. Ben and Marcus alternated between staring at each other in shock and staring at Ted and Winston, also in shock. They didn't know what to say. They didn't know whether to laugh about it as a funny but extremely weird joke, or just keep on staring at the nervous looking boys in front of them. Ted took a trembling breath and looked at his and Winnie's still intertwined fingers. He didn't want to look up. He didn't want to meet their judging eyes and feel the shame fill him for something he didn't want to be ashamed of. He wanted to stand up for himself. He hadn't done anything wrong, yet he felt ashamed. He felt judged.

Winston looked at him, trying to meet his eyes and tell him that everything was fine, but he wouldn't move his gaze from their hands, so instead Winston caressed Ted's hand with his thumb. Ted's grip softened a little and with a deep sigh he looked up at Winston. Those deep, dark brown eyes calmed him down. In a strange way they made him feel at home. After some time of collecting his courage, he slowly turned his head, ready to meet the judgement from Ben and Marcus. But as his gaze drifted over the rough surface of the table and on to meet their eyes, they didn't meet him with judgement, anger or disappointment. They met him with incomprehension. Marcus tried to speak, but he couldn't seem to get the words out. He sighed.  
"But.. Why didn't you tell us?" He said. The grumpy, tired Marcus was gone. This was another Marcus. This was the 'big brother' Marcus. His eyes and his voice were full of concern. Winston looked back at him.  
"Because we were scared. We didn't know what to do."  
"We thought you'd judge us."

"We were afraid you wouldn't understand."

"Wait." Ben said. "How long has this been going on?"  
"Well.."  
"Two weeks." Ted said.  
"Including yesterday night." Winnie filled in.

"Okay, we don't need the details." Marcus said with a weak smile.  
"But.. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?" Ben said, looking at them in incomprehension.  
"I'm sorry." Ted mumbled. For a few minutes everything was quiet. Everyone of them, engulfed by their own thoughts.  
"I hope you realize that this changes a lot. For all of us." Marcus said, words full of seriousness. "But you are not alone in this." He added. Ben smiled and in a scary, synchronized way they all added

"As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand." followed by out loud laughing at how ugly it sounded.  
"But I'm scared." Everything turned quiet. "I don't fucking know what to do." Winston said, and as the other boys turned to look at him he looked frightened. Marcus walked towards him and stretched his arms out to hug him. He was answered by Winston just stubbornly looking at him.  
"Winnie." Marcus said, and it was all it took for Winston to get up from his seat and throw his arms around Marcus with his face buried right where the shoulder met the neck.  
"What's wrong with me?" he whispered.  
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong with you, Winnie."  
"Then why am I so afraid?"  
"Because it's all new to you. Everything that's new always feels a little big and scary. And just because you're a little scared sometimes doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It just means you're human."

"I just don't want anything to change between us. I want it to be the same."

"It will. Just because you two.._ you know_.. Doesn't mean we'll look at you in a different way. You'll always be my annoying little brother."

Winston let go of Marcus. He smiled at him and gave him a pat on the shoulder.  
"And Ted will always be our fucking hot older-keep everything in order-brother."

Ted sighed, gently smiling at Marcus description. Ben smiled and patted himon the shoulder aswell, as he got up from his seat.  
"We have to get going." he said. "We don't wanna be late to our own gig, do we?"

And they weren't. They were just in time to rehearsals and they even got some time to get back to the bus and just chill out for an hour afterwards. Ted crashed in his bed. Marcus had a long phone conversation with Carey. Ben fell asleep with a book he was reading in his face while Winston sat alone by the table, thinking. It felt weird that they knew. It felt weird that it was no longer a secret that they had to keep to themselves. No more late night sneak outs and no more lying. He smiled for himself as he looked through the wide open bedroom door and saw Ted lying outstretched on his bed, snoring with his mouth half open. He smiled because for the first time he didn't feel afraid to think that that man, right there, that man with his blonde curls and deep voice, with his sexy smirk and big hands, that man was _his_. He didn't have to feel afraid to kiss him whenever he felt like it, although he felt like he would never be able to do that in public. It felt weird in that way when something just feels weird and you don't know if it's a good weird or a bad weird.  
"Fuck all these thoughts." he thought to himself as he got up and walked into the bedroom to lay down beside Ted, resting his head on his chest. Ted woke up and sighed a deep sigh. He put his arms around Winnie and then he closed his eyes again. Slowly he began to drift into sleep but Winston woke him up.  
"Ted. Don't you think this feels weird?"

"What?" he murmured with a hoarse, drowsy voice, eyes still closed.  
"This. That our secret is not a secret anymore."

"Well.. A bit maybe. But.. it feels more right than it feels wrong. And.." he took a break and Winnie realized he was falling back asleep. He grabbed Ted's chin and started shaking his head until he woke up with a wondering look on his face.

"What the fuck?" he said.  
"I thought we were having a conversation here. And you were saying..?"  
"We'll get used to it, I guess. Now let me sleep."

Winston cuddled up as close as he could get to Ted and listening to the beating of his heart he fell asleep almost immediately.

After a way too short nap he woke up to the sound of Marcus and Ben talking. He turned his head to find them watching him.  
"What are you doing?" he said as he, annoyed, got up from the bed and left the room. Ted sat up in the bed and leaned against the wall while trying to wake up.  
"I'm sorry, Winnie."  
"This is exactly what I didn't want. This is _exactly _why I didn't want to tell you." Winston growled and disappeared outside.  
"I'll talk to him." Ted said, and got out of the bed, still a bit tired. He hit his head in the bed above and cursed to himself and as he walked out of the room he hit his toe in the doorstep.  
"Ffff_uck_." he said through clenched teeth before he left the bus. It was cold outside and his breath turned into steam in the cold air.  
"Winnie? It's cold as f-." The last part he only mumbled to himself, and then he saw him. On a bench, looking small and sad like a wet cat. With an unlighted cigarette between his teeth he looked at Ted.  
"I'm sorry." he said.  
"Why?" Ted asked.  
"Because I.."  
"I understand, Win. Sometimes I feel like.. I forced you into this. And if you're not ready we don't have to do this."  
"Don't talk like that."  
"Like what?"

"Like you wouldn't care if.. if I broke your heart. Because I know you would."

Ted looked at him with clenched jaws.  
"I would care. But I don't want you to be unhappy."  
"As long as I'm with you, and them-" he nodded towards the bus. "- I am happy."  
Ted swallowed hard and smiled a weak smile.  
"I just don't like how they make a big thing out of it because I want them to look at us in the same way as they used to."  
"I don't think they can do that. Not when they know. Sure, they can treat us like they used to but they will always know. They used to see us like their two best friends who liked to fuck women. But.. Now they know. And they will always know."  
"Just.. Promise me you'll stay." Winnie said as he swallowed and looked at Ted. His whole being was glowing of insecurity.

"Where would I be going?" Ted said with that smirk. Winston had a hate/love relationship with that smirk, but right now he loved it. Ted pulled Winnie to him and he wrapped his arms around him. For minutes they just stood there, in a tight hug, breathing in eachother and breathing out the fear. The fear of being judged.

Marcus and Ben were watching them through the fogged up windows.  
"Feels a bit strange, don't you think?" Ben asked turning away from the window.  
"Yeah. But we have to forget about it, if that's what they want." Marcus said and Ben just slightly nodded. Then they came back inside, letting go of each others hands just in time for Ben and Marcus not to see it.  
"Ready to go, mates?" Winston said and got three silent nods in response. And so they went off to the stage to, twenty minutes later, walk out to a cheering crowd, lots of lights and a smell of wet leaves and autumn.  
"Hey." Marcus said into the microphone and the crowd cheered like crazy, which made him laugh. "Are you all right?" Deafening cheering. Winston smiled and Ted smiled and they all just smiled at all the love they got all the time just by playing some instruments and sing a little. Just making some music.

It was dark. A chilly October evening and still the place was full of people. They were standing close together, jumping, waving, cheering and when Marcus, Ben, Ted and Winston looked out over the crowd they couldn't help but feeling like this was where they belonged. As if the people they met on their tours was like a single big family to them.

And then the show started. But this one wasn't like the usual ones. This one wasn't a regular gig. It was during the loud, messy part of Dust Bowl Dance where the lights were flashing, the volume was turned up and everyone was jumping around in musical euphoria, Winnie found his lips pressed against Ted's. After seconds he became aware of what he was doing. He could feel himself freezing inside, and slowly, as he regained his senses, he stumbled away from Ted, into the shadows at the very back of the stage. The music kept on playing. Ted didn't look at him. No one did and for a while he almost thought no one had seen. Until he started taking a closer look at the faces in the crowd. It took him about seven seconds to figure out that they had. They all had seen it. And he felt sick. Felt like throwing up. As when you do something you desperately regret. Breaking something that isn't yours or seeing something you didn't want to see. That's how he felt.

Getting rid of the banjo and all of the cables and the microphone, he rushed off the stage. He felt like he was having a panic attack. Or, at least, what he thought a panic attack felt like. Grabbing the back of a chair he leaned forward, trying to breathe normal again as he felt the uncontrollable tears start streaming down his cheeks. The gig was over by now. He knew that. Dust Bowl Dance was the last song. But the minutes it took for Ted to get off the stage and get back there to find him looking like shit, felt like so much more than minutes.  
"Winnie? Are you okay?" He said as he put his bottle of water down on a small table. Without hesitation he pulled Winston to him, holding him tightly, stroking his hair.  
"I can't.. breathe!" he gasped in response.  
"It's fine. Everything's fine." Ted whispered.  
"What the fuck happened?" Marcus asked as he ripped them apart, pushing them down on separate chairs.  
"You see? He didn't notice." Ted said, placing his hand on Winston's arm.  
"He wasn't in the fucking audience, Ted."

"Just tell us what happened!" Ben shouted.  
"I kissed him!" Winston screamed as he got up from the chair, making it fall over, due to his rapid move.  
"Oh, _brilliant_." Marcus sighed and turned around with his hand covering his face.  
"Winnie." Ben complained.  
"I don't know what got into me, okay?" Winston shouted and his frightened voice broke in the middle of the sentence.  
"This is serious. It's our careers you're playing with here, Winston."  
"I'm not fucking playing!"

"It's gonna be all over the media tomorrow." Ben sighed and sat down on a chair, resting his head in his palms, facing the floor.  
"GEE, YOU GUYS." Ted shouted. "It was an accident. What the hell is wrong with you? Stop screaming at him."  
"Okay _this_ is not going to work." Marcus said.  
"What? Me defending Winston from you two, being fucking bullies?" Ted growled, almost like an animal.

"No. You two standing up for each other whilst always being against us."

Winston pushed Marcus shoulder as hard as he possibly could, making Marcus stumble a few steps backwards.  
"That's not fucking true you _fucking _prick!"  
"Stop it." Ben tried.  
"I thought you said you'd help us through this and not judge us. Just _accept the fucking fact_ that this was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen. What the fuck? I really thought you'd help us." Winston shouted, followed by a long row of curse words that the others didn't even know the meaning of.  
"Oh, for fuck's _sake_." Marcus mumbled.  
"Stop it!" Ben screamed. For a few long seconds they were all staring at each other in complete silence. Then Winston left the room. "Stop acting like babies!" he heard Ben say as he was watching himself in the mirror, cursing to himself. He didn't want to cry. He hated crying. He always tried to be that posh, casual lad who wasn't afraid of anything and never cried. But right now he _hated_ being seen as that lad. He just wanted to let everything out for once.

Marcus grabbed his shoulder.  
"I'm sorry, Winnie. We'll get through this hell together." Winston heard how much he tried to cover up his anger and disappointment, and after trying to figure out a suitable answer for that posh, casual lad, he just nodded in response, walking past Marcus out from the small toilet.

They didn't talk much that evening. Just got right into bed and fell asleep without much of a thought. A dreamless night with a, hopefully, better tomorrow, waiting around the corner behind the night sky.


	14. Chapter 14

The loud noise that left the speakers of Marcus phone made them all wake up. Marcus mumbled a silent 'what the fuck' before he picked up the phone and answered with a raucous  
"Hi, baby."

Ted could hear Carey's voice all the way to his spot in his warm bed. She sounded upset. With eyes still closed, he reached for Winston but realized, after a moment, that they all went to sleep in separate beds last night. As he opened his tired eyes he found the door to the bedroom wide open. Right outside by the table sat Winnie, staring at the laptop screen infront of him, leaning his chin on his clasped hands. Then he turned around to look directly at Ted. There was something in his eyes that scared Ted. Something he had never seen before and he couldn't tell exactly what it was. It was just something in those dark eyes that didn't seem to be right.

"It's all over the internet." His voice sounded tired in some way. He said it with a laugh. Like it was a joke and his facial expression made him look like one of those crazy guys in movies that tries to kill everyone but ends up killing themselves.  
"It's _everywhere_." He got up from the seat, still looking like a maniac. The crazy look disappeared as he flicked the laptop off the table, making pieces of it shatter against the floor.  
"Well that wasn't fucking necessary, was it?" Ted sighed and got up from the bed.  
"The whole world knows, Ted." Winston shouted and Ted just looked at him.  
"Calm down."  
"How am I supposed to calm down?!"  
"Maybe-" he sat down in front of the broken thing that used to be a laptop and collected the pieces, handing them over to Winston. "- this is the time when we get to find out who of all these people that will stay with us no matter what."

"That's the stupidest.." Winston looked at Ted, met his eyes, and then looked down at the shattered pieces of the laptop in his hands, in shame. "Maybe. I'm just mad at myself. Fucking pissed, to be honest."

"That's okay, I guess. As long as you don't take it out on us."  
"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

They went outside to throw the laptop remains in a container and for the first time there was an awkward silence hanging in the air. They didn't look at each other. Not until Ted grabbed Winston's hand and lifted it to his lips to place a soft kiss on his knuckles.

Feeling Ted's lips against his cold hand made Winston regret every single thought he had ever thought about how this might be 'wrong', because in that moment, everything just felt right.

Winnie looked at Ted, who whispered a silent 'I love you' before he let go if Winnie's hand and went back inside the tour bus.

They started moving. Off to Scotland for two days. Back to England and on to Wales. The last time remaining of the tour wasn't easy. Every show had to start off by apologizing about the news. About the kiss. They couldn't lie. Too many people had seen it. There was too much evidence, so they ended up telling everyone that it was a mistake, caused by alcohol and that it wouldn't happen again. And parts of Winston and parts of Ted just lost hope. Because it isn't always that easy to hold on to your hope, not when everyone tells you that you're wrong. There were people that didn't care, though, people that stayed. But a little piece of their hearts broke every time they saw people leaving the crowd after _(not)_ listening to their apologies. Some nights ended up with Winston getting into an argument with someone who hated on them and the other boys always had to drag him away, while he resisted, cursing, before it got too serious. Some nights ended with a bloody nose. And when they finally arrived at home, dumped their heavy bags on the floor and fell onto their beds, they could feel the air seep out of them. And they stayed there, on their beds, all night.  
And then it was late again. But this time it _was_ late as in "the sun is rising and we're still up", and Winston was out. Walking down the streets, that cold October night that was turning into morning with a cigarette hanging between his lips. The misty air made his dark hair curly and after buttoning his jacket he stuffed both hands down his pockets. It was still dark. He didn't know where he was. The only light he had was a few flickering street lamps and the glowing end of his cigarette. And half a minute later the cigarette was smothered against the soggy grass below Winston's feet. As he exhaled the last smoke he figured he might as well call Ted. He was cold and lost and alone. He was hungry and desperate for company. And _of course_, the rain started pouring down from the dark sky as Winston sat down on a wet bench, pulling his phone out of his pocket. The tiny drops fell on his screen, making it hard for the touch screen to perceive his fingers as he tried to call Ted. Instead he pressed the home button and held it in until Siri asked what she could help him with.  
"Call Ted." He mumbled.

"Okay, I found this on the web;" she said and Winston sighed.  
"For fuck's sake, Siri, just _call Ted_!" he said.

"I'd blush if I could." her robotic voice said.

"_Call_._ Ted_." he growled and finally Siri got his drift.

The buzzing of his phone on the bedside table made him wake up after finally being able to fall asleep just half an hour ago.  
"Oh for f-.. What do you want?"

"I'm gonna give you a second chance on that one."

"Okay.." Ted cleared his throat. "Good evening, my dear friend. What can I do for you this.. late October eve?"  
"I don't know where I am." Winston mumbled.  
"Have you been drinking?" Ted sat p in his bed.

"What? No!"

"Are you at least wearing a jacket? It's raining!"

"Yes, I am wearing a jacket, Ted."

"And you're sure you haven't been drinking?"  
"Ted? What are you, my mother? Stop asking about everything, I'm _fine_."  
"But where are you?"  
"Well I wonder that too and that's kind of why I called you."  
"Oh, I thought it was because you wanted to hear my voice." Ted said and Winston almost heard his smirk through the phone.  
"Well there's a street sign here telling me I'm on.. Oh hang on, I know where I am. Not too far from your place."  
"Well that's great, then. So.." There was an awkward silence again. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, then?"  
"Yeah.."  
"Okay. See you, Win!"

"Ted, wait!" Winston suddenly said. It was quiet for a while and he was just about to hang up when he heard Ted's voice.  
"What?"

"I just.. figured that maybe we could.. I don't know.. Go somewhere?"

"Tomorrow you mean?"  
"No, now. Go somewhere and maybe grab some food? Just the two of us." Ted didn't speak and Winston felt stupid. He could feel himself blush. "Or.. I don't know. We don't have to."  
"No. No, I'd love to. I'm quite hungry, actually."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, you sound surprised?" Ted chuckled.  
"I mean 'awesome'. Great. I'll be outside in ten."

"Okay."

Ted hung up and got into some clean clothes. He waited by the door for Winston to call telling him he was outside, but five minutes had never felt this long. When his phone started vibrating in his pocket he just opened the door, locked it behind him and hurried to get outside.  
"Hi." a rain drenched, tired-voice Winston said, looking at him as the water dripped from his wet hair.  
"Jesus. Why didn't you tell me you decided to take a swim? I could have brought some towels or dry clothes."

"Oh darn it. I guess you'll have to keep me warm then.." Winston said, looking at his black, shiny shoes. A few seconds later he regretted what just slipped through his lips as he only got an awkward silence in response. But just as he looked up from behind his wet bangs, hanging in front of his eyes, Ted stood beside him and carefully placed his arm around his shoulders.  
"Where do you want to go?" he smiled.  
"Anywhere. Warm. It has to be warm there."  
"Let's go to that little place down the street."

"Where?"

"That one with the great burgers."  
"You think they're still open?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, let's go there."  
They started walking, Winston under Ted's arm, already feeling warmer. They both looked down at their feet, not saying a word, not quite enjoying the silence.  
"You want my coat?" Ted suddenly said and Winston turned his head to look at him. His blonde hair was even curlier than usual because of the rain. Winston loved those curls.  
"No I'm fine." he replied and after some hesitation he carefully placed his hand in Ted's waist, feeling Ted's muscles tighten, but he decided to keep his hand there and after a while Ted once again relaxed. But by then they were already there, at the small restaurant, lit by faint CFLs and walls painted in lime green color that had cracked over the years. But it was nice. It was never crowded and the people that owned it was always nice, talkative, but accepted peoples privacy if they wished for it. Ted came here often when he just wanted to relax on his own. Plus, they made the best burgers in the whole city.

Moving his arm from Winston's shoulder, he forced Winnie to let go of his waist as well and he opened the door. They both rushed to get inside the warmth.

Their food arrived after fifteen minutes of small talking and mostly just looking at anything around them to avoid eye contact.  
"Ted?" Winston suddenly said.  
"Mhm?" Ted mumbled as he had just taken a bite of his burger.  
"Why is everything between us so awkward lately? Why don't we talk like we used to? I mean we haven't had a real 'Winnie/T-bear' conversation in ages." Winston's question made them both shut up for a while. Eating their food and thinking about why that was. They both had noticed. At a beginning it hadn't bothered them, but as it continued they started to miss what they used to have and they couldn't even count the times they both had thought that maybe this was just a bad idea. And now, here they were, in front of each other, in a small, lime coloured room, eating a burger in the middle of the night. And there _it _was, as always lately. _The silence_.  
"Has it got to do with that they know?"  
"Why are you asking me? I don't know any better than you do." Ted said and he kind of regretted the way it came out. A little bit too rude. Which caused more silence.

"I just want this to stop. I miss what we had and I think we've fucking ruined it." Winston said, leaning back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. Ted looked at him.  
"Come here, Winnie." he said, quietly.  
"I just feel like punching a fucking wall."

"Winnie-" Ted tried.

"It's like I'm fucking pissed all the fucking time and I just don't fucking know why."  
"Winnie!" Ted said with a snorting laugh, which shut Winston up.  
"What?"  
"Sit beside me."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Winston moved around the table and heavily he sat down beside Ted. He sighed.  
"Thanks for coming out with me." He turned to Ted. "Thanks for always being here for me when I need you." Ted smirked and turned away but Winston grabbed his face, turning it back before he licked his dry lips and softly placed them against Ted's. Ted reached to carefully place his hand in Winston's neck and the time just stopped for a few seconds. For a few seconds nothing existed but the two of them. Then they slowly pulled away, opening their eyes to the world with lime green rooms and other people and worries. The old couple who were running the place at this hour looked at them with those looks on their smiling faces that just shouted 'aw, that's so sweet' all the way and Ted cleared his throat.  
"Um.. We would very much appreciate if you could not tell anyone about that." he said and they looked at him, still with those smiles on their faces.  
"Ofcourse, Mr Ted." the man said.  
"Mr Ted?" Winston silently chuckled. "You come here a lot, don't you?"

"Shut up." hissed Ted and Winston smiled.

"You, know, Mr Ted-" the old woman began.  
"Just 'Ted' is fine, actually." Ted interjected before she continued.  
"- you two have a love that will last. I can tell."

Winston and Ted gave each other a smiling look before Winston moved back to his side of the table.

And the night went on and it felt good again. It felt like usual. They talked and talked and laughed and eventually they had to leave the restaurant. They went back to Ted's apartment and fell asleep, very innocently, on each side of the bed, fingers loosely intertwined on top of the blankets. And as everything is this perfect in stories there's always a 'but'. Not this time, though. Or, not yet.


	15. Chapter 15

The smell of Ted. The smell of Ted was the first smell Winston perceived as he slowly woke up on the very edge of his queen size bed. It was everywhere. In the sheets, in the clothes, in the walls and the carpets. That was pretty obvious, though. Every home has it's own smell. But the smell of Ted was the first thing Winston thought about that morning, as the light streamed in between the curtains, drawing a line of light on their legs. Ted was still asleep, lying on his stomach, facing away from Winston with both arms stuffed under his pillow. His blanket had fallen off him and was now lying in a pile on the floor. His bare, muscular back still had some tan left from the summer. Without much of a though Winston moved a little bit closer to him and pulled some of his own blanket over Ted, which made him turn around still half asleep. He groaned something Winston didn't understand. Then he buried his face below the blanket and silently whispered

"Stop staring at me."

Winston didn't stop. He smiled and pulled away Ted's blanket, making him curl up trying to stay warm.  
"Why are you so mean?" Ted groaned, refusing to open his eyes.  
"And that comes from you.." Winston muttered. Then he gave Ted his blanket back, but kept half of it for himself. To fit under the narrow blanket they had to lay close. Their knees touched and Ted took Winston's hand in his. It was warm against Winston's cold skin. He had never been much of a 'hand holder' but with Ted it was okay. A lot was okay with Ted. He wanted to tell Ted about that. He wanted to tell him everything. But there it was again, that posh, casual lad in him, who wasn't afraid of anything and never cried. And that part inside of him didn't want to be one of those guys that talked in metaphors and was generally poetic. Still a part of him hated the other part of him. That part. He wanted it to seem normal if he suddenly felt like inviting Ted over for a romantic dinner with candles and roses, but it didn't, because nobody saw him in that way. And he hated that he didn't say anything at that exact moment. That in that moment when they were watching each other, holding hands, he _was_ and _remained_ completely quiet. And the moment didn't last forever. The time passed and suddenly the moment was gone when Ted got up from the bed, resting for a few seconds on the bedside before he stood up and put some socks on to protect his warm feet from the cold floor.

"We're invited to a halloween party. This Thursday." he said.  
"In _"we",_ do you mean just us.. or you know, _all_ of us?" Ted chuckled.  
"Do you really think anyone would invite just the two of us to a halloween party?"

"I don't know." Winston muttered as he, as well, got up from the bed. "That's kind of why I asked." He added quietly as he got up and put on Ted's large sweater. He slowly sat down by the table and watched Ted by the counter in the kitchen.  
"Wait.. Did you say _this Thursday_?" Winston asked in fright.  
"Yeah?" Ted replied, questioningly as he turned around with two cups of coffee, placing them on the table before he sat down. "That's halloween."

"But it's.. That's fucking tomorrow! Is it a costume party?"  
"Yes."

"How can you be so calm about this? I don't know who to be!"  
"I do."  
"How long have you known about this?"  
"Since yesterday."  
"And you already know who you're dressing up as?" Winston almost screamed.  
"Yes!" Ted shouted with a snort and a smile. "Calm down, Winnie. We'll figure something out. It's fine."

Silence.

"I wanna be Jack Sparrow." Winston suddenly said out of the blue. Ted looked at him.  
"Well.. Okay. I'm sure it can't be _that_ hard to find a Jack Sparrow costume."  
"No. I figured that as well."

"Great. We'll hit the city later to find everything we need."

"You know what? I think I'll go now." Winston said, getting up from his chair, rushing to the hall to get his shoes.  
"Wait! Winston.. I-" Ted tried, but Winston rushed out and slammed the door shut behind him. Ted sighed, but figured that he might as well just stay there and wait for Winnie to get back.

After almost exactly two hours Winston stumbled back into the apartment with paper bags in his arms, almost tripping over the doorstep. He dropped everything on the floor.  
"I'm back!"

"I know. Kind of impossible not to hear you."

"I didn't find a Jack Sparrow costume. But I found something else."  
"Tell me." Ted said, staring at the TV screen.  
"I'm being that Beetlejuice dude." He said, showing Ted his striped blazer. A small chuckle left Ted's mouth.  
"What?" Winston asked. "It's actually a really good costume."  
"I know, I know. That's why I chose to be Beetlejuice, as well."  
"You're fucking kidding me, are you?" Winston complained as he sunk down on the floor with his back against the wall.  
"We can't both go there as Beetlejuice."

"Yes we can. It'll be fun."  
"No! Ted we can't. You have to change."

"Me? No, Winston. I thought of this first. Besides I'm cool with us both being Beetlejuice. If _you're_ not, _you_ have to change."

"Okay. _Fine_ then. We'll both be fucking Beetlejuice."

"You don't have to get so pissed."

"I'm not pissed." Winston growled and left the room.

That day went on as a usual lazy day does. Nothing special happened. Winston and Ted spent it in two different rooms, both in Ted's apartment, watching different TV shows, and not talking. Not until they both were laying in Ted's bed, facing away from eachother, Ted spoke.  
"I don't want you to be mad at me."

"I'm not."  
"Yes you are. You haven't been talking to me at all today."

"We talked this morning."

"Winnie. Stop being mad. I don't like it."  
"If I could, I would, but I can't so I shan't."

"And stop quoting The Big Bang Theory."  
Winston smiled. Then he turned around and so did Ted.  
"Are you still mad?"

"No."

"Good." Ted smiled. "Wanna hold my hand?" He asked and Winston replied with a silent nod.

After a while they both fell asleep. And it was nothing more about that day.

The next day Winston woke up by Ted walking into the bedroom loudly asking

"When were you planning on waking up? It's already 1.43."

Winston sat up, staring into the empty air in front of him. Then he turned his face against Ted, looking frightened.  
"1.43?" He flew up from the bed and rushed to the kitchen. Ted slowly turned around again, walking back to the kitchen.  
"Wow. You got up quickly. Maybe I could use this to get you up in the mornings." he said and Winston looked up from his bowl of cereal, with the spoon in front of his mouth. Then he dropped it into the bowl, making the milk splash out over the table.  
"It's not 1.43?" He sighed. "Teeeed. I could've slept longer." he groaned.  
"Yes. Yes! It is. I meant I _could _use this as a trick in the _future _if I wanted to."

"Well in that case.." Winston mumbled. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?"  
"I thought you loved sleeping!"  
"I do!"

"Then what's the problem? Whatever I do- It doesn't even matter _what _I do, you _always _complain. Can't you ever just accept that you can't always get what you want? I mean if I don't wake you up _you complain_, if I do wake you up _you complain_. Sometimes you're just like a woman on her period, Winnie. And sometimes you just piss me off."

Winston didn't speak. He looked at Ted in despite execration and then he continued eating his cereal, without a word.  
"And you do _that_ to. You always get pissed and refuse to talk to me. You're like a kid."

Then came the silence. Filled the room until Winston got up from his chair and dropped the half full bowl into the sink.

"I need to go home."  
"What? Why?"  
"I just need to go home."  
"Come on, Winnie. Atleast let me drive you!"

Winston just walked to the hall, put his shoes on, and opened the door to leave.  
"But, hey! What about your stuff? What about your costume?"

"Leave it."

"But you'll be there tonight, right?"  
"I don't know, Ted." Winston turned around in the stairs to look at Ted. "Don't you think I'll mess the party up with my constant complaining and childishness?"  
"Winnie.." Ted sighed. "I- You- I didn't mean all that."

Winston turned around again and started walking down the stairs.  
"Winnie, come on!" Ted got no response, only Winston's loud steps, echoing in the stairwell. "I'll still pick you up at six!" he shouted. "And here's your stupid costume!" he added and threw the large paper bags down the stairs. Then he went inside.

And just as he said, at six, or six thirteen to be exact, he was outside Winston's apartment, inside his car, dressed as Beetlejuice and dearly hoping nobody would see him there. He knew calling Winston was hopeless. He was mad and he would stay mad. Instead he sent a short text saying "I'm outside" and for a way too long time he thought about whether he'd add 'x' at the end, or not. He decided that if Winnie was playing mad, he would do so as well. No X's from him.

After a surprisingly short amount of time, Winston walked out of the door and sat down in the passenger seat, heavily. He sighed.  
"So you're still not talking to me?"  
"Why wouldn't I?" Winston said, looking out through the window.

"I know you're mad. And I'm _sorry _about what I said. I really am."

"That's not the problem, Ted."  
"What's the problem, then?"  
"I really.. Really like being with you. But we fight all the time. We hurt each other, Ted. And I'm starting to doubt that that's how being in a relationship is supposed to be. I'm sick of fighting and I'm sick of being mad."  
"Then don't be."  
"It's not that simple, douchehead."

"Douchehead? _Douchehead_? That's the best you could come up with?" Ted chuckled.  
"Stop." Winston mumbled, with a weak smile on his face.  
"Let's go, douchehead." Ted said, starting the engine. And with that they both knew that another one of their fights was officialy over. And there they were, in the car on their way to a wild halloween party, both dressed as Beetlejuice, both tapping their feet to Arctic Monkeys on high volume and both loving life, for a little while, at least.


	16. Chapter 16

Arriving at the party, entering the house and walking into a crowded hallway with pounding dubstep music howling from the speakers, Ted realized they were only invited to this party because the were, after all, at least a little, famous. Everywhere there were just youths, jumping up and down to the music, with bottles and red cups in their hands, dressed as anything from a zombie princess to darth vader. He took a quick look at Winston, who was smiling, just as he got a half full beer bottle in his hand, from a girl who, just a second later, bended over to throw up on his shoes. His smile turned into a frown of disgust. She coughed and looked up at him, obviously drunk out of her mind.  
"Oh. S-sorry." She mumbled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.  
"You want your beer back?" Winston said, handing her the bottle.  
"No, no. Keep it," she smirked "handsome."

Winston clenched his jaw and glanced at Ted, slowly placing the bottle on the floor.  
"Handsome..? I look like a fucking dead zombie in a striped suit." He said and Ted shrugged with a smile on his face. "Where's the host?"  
"I don't know her."  
"Why are we even here, then?"  
"Ben apparently knew her. An old friend. I just.. Didn't know Ben had such young friends."

They both just stood there for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to do next.  
"Oh come on. This can be fun. We're dressed up. Nobody can tell we're not 20." Winston said, before he started walking through the crowd to get into the living room and the table with drinks, which was his goal. He grabbed a red cup, filled with an unknown liquid and emptied it in less than five seconds. Grabbing two more, he turned around to meet Ted, handing him one.  
"Thanks." he said and Winston nodded as response. Everyone was dancing and suddenly the music stopped. The loud music was quickly replaced with loud shouting and boo:ing, but then, from nowhere, The Cave started playing and everyone cheered, making Winston want to scream "HEY EVERYONE! IT'S ME, WINSTON. I PLAY THIS SONG. IT'S OUR SONG." but he didn't. He just stood there, finishing his other cup of this unknown liquid, waiting for someone to recognise him, behind his makeup.  
"Hey, maybe you should slow down a little bit with those drinks? You don't even know what it is." Ted said. He knew Winston. And he knew drunk Winston. He liked just Winston better.

But Winnie just looked at him in despite, grabbing a third cup.  
"So what? We're here to get a little wasted, Ted." He smirked and disappeared into a large group of people, leaving Ted alone by the drink and snack table.  
"Wooow. You've got a nice _butt_."

Ted turned around to find a girl standing there, completely wasted, staring at his ass.  
"Um.. Well I'm not single." He said and the girl walked up to him. _Really_ close to him. Close enough for him to sense the smell of her breath. The smell of booze and cigarettes. He took a step back, but she followed.  
"Well.." fingering his tie she pulled him closer. "I love to live dangerously. I've got a boyfriend. He's over there." She pointed at some guy, sitting in the sofa, surrounded by girls. "Let's go make him very, _very_, jealous. You and me, alone." She smirked, trying to look sexy, but the smirk just frightened Ted. She looked like one of those crazy old ladies, living alone with nothing but her cats.  
"No, I.." he tried to turn around, but she grabbed his tie, pulling him back. He coughed as it tightened around his neck.  
"What are you doing?" He shouted. "Leave me alone, will you?"

She looked at him, eyes black of anger. Then she slapped him, making him tumble backwards, before she left. He cursed, backing into Winston.  
"What happened to you?"

"Some creepy girl just slapped me because I didn't want to cheat on her boyfriend with her."  
Winston chuckled. Removing Ted's hand from his cheek he took a closer look at it. Then he gave it a quick peck and they looked at each other with drinks in their hands, just smiling for a few seconds.  
"Faggots!" Some guy behind Winston shouted and Winston put down his cup, turned around and smashed the young man's face.  
"What the fuck did you just call me?" he growled.  
"Oh, guys, check it out. This _fag_ thinks he knows how to fight."

Winston hit him again.  
"I'm much more successful than you will ever be you little prick." He shouted and the guy just chuckled and hit him back, right in the face. Winston grabbed his neck, trying to strangle him, but Ted pulled him back.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I'm gonna kill him, Ted."  
"Winnie, he's not worth it."

"That's right, _Winnie_, you can't beat me, because you're just a little fag."

What happened next all went really fast. Winston threw himself over the guys, beating them, but the second after he was laying on the floor, with the guy on top of him, repeatedly punching Winston's face and the last thing he saw and heard was Ted, screaming at the younger men to stop. Then everything went black, as it always does.

It wasn't before an hour later, he woke up, in a secluded bedroom somewhere in the house. Ted was sitting on the bedside of the bed. He turned around to meet Winston's eyes, with a bleeding nose and a black eye, hidden behind his makeup.  
"They could've killed you, Winnie." He said. Winston couldn't concentrate on the situation though.  
"God, I- I just.." he swallowed and moved closer to Ted. ".. I just find you so damn attractive right now." He clenched his jaw.  
"I'll lock the door." Ted said through clenched teeth, as he got up, locked the door and returned to the bed, slowly laying down on top of Winston. He kissed his right collarbone, making his way up to the ear and then placing a soft kiss on Winston's lips.  
"You taste like alcohol."

"What did you expect?"  
Ted smiled and shrugged. 

For about twenty minutes they didn't exchange any more words, just noises.

And when they, a while later, left the room, their Beetlejuice makeup was ruined. Their hair were not to talk about and they both hoped everyone was too drunk to suspect anything.  
"Well.. In a bedroom at someone else's party. Now I can cross that off my list."  
"Ew." Ted just mumbled before he went down the stairs to grab another drink in the living room. And they lost each other for another two hours, entertaining themselves. Feeling the taste of alcohol. Hearing the sound of music. Seeing nothing but lights, flashing in the colours of the rainbow and people. Lots of people. They didn't know their names, and had barely taken a look at their faces. Yet still, right now, they were their best friends. Moving together to the pounding music and not a single worry existed in that room. And then, slowly, Winston realized something was going on in the middle of the room. A fight, of course, he thought. And fights are always funny to watch, he thought. He made his way through the crowd, and stopped when he saw what everyone was watching. A shirtless guy on a chair aggressively making out with the half naked girl in his lap.

"Someone's about to get laid!" a voice shouted and Winston smiled and chuckled quietly, agreeing with his unknown mate from the crowd. The girl now kissed his chest, and that's when Winston first, still smiling, met the guys eyes. Studying his face he almost choked on his own spit. _Ofcourse_ it was Ted.

It took a few seconds for their both drunk minds to clear up and understand what was going on.  
"Oh _what the fuck_, Ted!?" Winston screamed as he tried to figure out whether he'd turn around and leave or run up to Ted and beat the crap out of him. He turned around and left, hoping to feel Ted's hand on his shoulder, trying to stop him, but he didn't. He grabbed Ted's coat in the hallway and went outside. It felt like he had just been stabbed with an ice cold knife in the heart. And as he sank down in the drivers seat of Ted's car, he didn't even try to stop the tears anymore. Driving off, he cursed to himself.  
"I hope I fucking smash your car and die and maybe you'll understand what it feels like." he mumbled to himself. He just wanted vengeance. He felt like a monster, thirsty for blood. He didn't feel sad, he felt angry. And betrayed. And once he had let the tears out he couldn't stop them. He just drove, against an unknown destination. But then he started thinking. Yes, Ted was drunk. But Ted never lost control. And he didn't come after him, as he always did. And then he started thinking that maybe he, himself, had done something that he didn't even remember. The thoughts were everywhere. They overwhelmed him, and he had to stop the car, by the side of the road, to get control over his sobbing. After breathing for a while he decided to go home and sleep. Because when you sleep you don't have to think. When you sleep you don't have to worry. So he drove all the way back home, desperately hoping he wouldn't meet any cops, and luckily he didn't. He parked the car across the street from his apartment and then he stumbled over to the door. As he repeatedly pulled at the door handle, not getting the door to open, he slowly realized it was locked, because it was in the middle of the night. And as he put his hand down his pocket he realized he left his own jacket at the party. Out of hope he sank down, leaning against the wall with a sigh of resignation. And then he fell asleep.

"Get up. Come on, let's get you away from here. Let's get you warm."

That's what he heard when he slowly woke up, by Ted pulling his arm, trying to get him on his feet.  
"It's fucking cold." he mumbled. Ted had his jacket. He, fumbling, got the key out of the pocket and after some trying he could unlock the door and get them both inside the warm stairwell and up the stairs to Winston's apartment.  
"I- I'll stay here tonight." Ted said and Winston didn't mind answering, he just dropped his clothes on the floor and fell into bed, covering himself with the blanket. He could deal with everything tomorrow, he thought. Maybe it wasn't so bad, he thought. Then he fell asleep.


End file.
